Another assignment was given out today... =S

Chewing of nails....

..almost non-stop since 12mn, and well...for the earlier part of today.

It's like this when I'm trying to focus on work. I don't know if it's an anxiety thing or it helps me to think. I just suddenly catch myself biting again even though I distinctly remembering stopping only moements ago...hee....

It's now 3am, so I'm taking a break...

I'm on to my last assignment of my module (hopefully the last, but will take it as it is...)

But believe it or not, I haven't written a single word of the expected 2500 essay.

I had decided to give myself a break from the Grad Dip work till Christmas day. So it was only yesterday I got down to taking a good look at the question. It's not a hard one. It's straightforward but the more you think about it, you start to realise that there are several challenges.

It's the kind of question, pretty much like a GP paper, where, with one's opinion, experience and observation you are able to answer. So good and simple right?

However, it soon dawned on me that a solid paper would have to be one with wider reading and referencing to journals and articles. Not the self opined sputterings of a 31 year old.

Thank God a swift decision was made while sitting on the loo bowl at 1500h on sunday, that given the context of the question, there is no need to plunge into hardcopy boooks from the library as per my previous modules, and a focus on online materials should be sufficient.

For 4 hours yesterday evening, to free my mind from biasness, I filled my mind with random reading to anything or something that is close to the topic. That's the challenge of the internet information overload.

There's so much available, you need to spend time searching and reading through, even skip reading to help you determine if there's any info that could be useful, or worse, realising it's all completel trash...

Articles found need to be checked if there's proper references/ authorship and of course, the date for relevancy (i.e. I can't be referencing another's sputterings.)

A sense of dismay when diagrams are blocked/ omitted by the author, and having to consider the latest antics to 'download/ read the rest' by allowing full access to my facebook!!! (never will happen...)

Do not be deceived by blogs I learned the past 24 hours, as some are genuine postings/ articles.

I pooled what i could and noted some URLs, which I hoped are useful, and went to zzzz...

At noon today, I looked at the same URLs and went.."WTH..."

Hahahaha...really ah, sometimes you wonder why you were so drawn to it in the first place...

Anyway, in an hour, I had reached some sort of pain wall. Because I was stuck. Didn't know how to start and how to structure. I could go any way. *Damn*....it was also accelerated by the fact i had to apply some of my lecturer's personally created diagnostic models to my assignment. (brain all wony now...)

So i buried my head under a pillow and had horrid afternoon dreams of arguing about Gen X (hahaha...first hint of my topic!!!)

so yep, here I am, started back on my assignment since midnight. And still not a word.

Aiyooo...

I have to finish this by Friday, at least 99% of it. Submission on Tues. (no time in between)

I have scribbled some form of structure/ flow to the essay. However, I feel slightly paralysed. It's as though I'm not convinced it will work, or ther'es something irking me that's missing...and of course, where to start: " work on chunks that are not connected and hope you'll find a connector or figure out the connectors which means you need to find the chunks to fit them..."

=S ....faint!

It's now 330!

I can do more if I want, however, I think reading those articles again will only cloud my mind further.

so am going to bathe and watch soccer! heee...(of course will fall asleep sooner or later lah..=))

Restless restless!!!

It's hard to start my course again...Was supposed to start from last night to read a book to help for my presentation. And by today come up with a couple of slides.

I find myself getting so restless and backside itchy..LOL...keep getting up. It's not much to read and i'm familiar wiht the topic. but can't seem to get settled! Went to nap...boil water (goodness)...read up on gout...read up on soccer stats...check CNA...

I've forced myself to read the whole chapter and start typing out points from the chapter that I felt are good. But I find myself skimmign through and having to 'slap myself and force myself to re-read becasue i demanded quality reading in order to pick out out good points so that I do not have to refer to to book again.

3 of 5 chapters...it's 930pm.....Raaaarrrr....

Feeling tired...and sad...

..could just be the night..

Security guards for chickens....

Made a U turn at the Museum cluster and am actually trekking back towards the Alexander Platz station using a difference route so that I can see different things. Could only window shop and saw this nice colourful display...really pretty. Unless you're afraid of butterflies. These are fake of course. But so much care was made in the layout...

Quieter streets, lined with road side restaurants and shops. I liked this lamp post plastered with layers and layers of adverts, from professional ones to your regular off the photocopier machine type.

See the photo above, in the center, a thin dark vertical strip of building, with a yellow light on the ground level?

That's an old old theatre, still in use! It was the only oldest looking building along the entire stretch that kept it's old charm with no new coat of paint.

Though I didn't go in, this was the ground level. A 3meter arch tunnel covered with classical posters.
Didn't go further on past the tunnel...didn't feel too safe, because it's a back passageway. But very interesting, because it seemed like a local haunt to kick back and relax. On the left and right are the back of the restaurants/ cafes and still have customer tables!

Look at the layers of theatre posters...

Back to the road, I encountered 3 markers on the cobble stone floor, marking the place was home to Jews before they were taken away to camps. Suddenly I felt remorse and a quiet acknowledgement of gladness that the place kept it's historic look.

Big empty streets. Where are all the people?

One of my biggest impression walking the streets of Berlin is that the locals are scary. The youth travel in packs...like wolves. You'll never see less than a group of 8 walking together. Usually a mix of male and female. The frightenting thing is that walk in fast strides while chatting, almost like marching!!!... Not like the usual outing with friends in SG where you stroll.

I had a flash feeling of what it must be like in a riot.

So many cars..but not many people in sight...

Shops on the right are modern and built below the train tracks. =)

Local street signs.

I'm reaching my destination soon...This entire stretch has boring graffiti....getting dark! Hurry!

Ah ...here we are...let me introduce you to what Berlin uses as it's local icon. If you go to a souvenier shop, you will find either a bear (to represent the berlin bear), or their 'green' and 'red' man, which is used in all their traffic lights.

Yes, you see it? their green man wears a hat! (crossing the road and took this!)

Ack!!! why am I still on the road taking the pic!?!!! hehehe....

Here we are! the Station sign for the U-bahn.

Open plaza at the platz...

Finally it's 8.30pm. I settle down for my meal. Only had breakfast at the hotel that day. Save $$.

The only places left open were restaurants and they were all packed with no english menu. In addition, not cheap. So with nothing economical/ simple that was still open I decided to try their KFC.

Made me miss our local KFC. the place stank of oil and was run like some low-end eatery. Tables looked greasy and chairs had crumbs everywhere.

So i chose to sit outside and watch the 'traffic at the plaza' of trams going by. The table beside me was a mother with a young kid.

Another unsettling thing was that the KFC had a security guard. who stood around the door! Goodness..initially I thought he was just a passing cop..but realised he was hanging around as though securing the area. Please note that the KFC is about the size of...hmmmm....you know the starbucks in T2 airport? Yep...two times the size of that. And outside there are only 4 tables!

I guess I did feel safer having him around. He was polite since I was a customer. I figured, maybe it's because groups chose to plonk themselves at the tables/ some homeless people could give trouble as it was very near the subway access.

It was not fun eating there. Air was still, not cool, but not warm either. And just too damn quiet. My first meal in town..urgh...

Going back to the hotel. This is the transit station called 'Ostkreuz' that is under a revamp. It's easy to spot when you're arriving at this station because of this old tower on the left. My Boss, mel and me still do not know what it's for.

The station layout is complex, but I figured it out. hee...we have to use this route everytime we want to go to town.


Train arrival signboards. Just like in Frankfurt, one track has many train routes passing. so make sure you baord the right one. Only two routes go to Schonefeld airport. S9 is one of them and have to wait for a long time if you miss one (about 15mins)

You can bring bicycles into the train too.

It's a long 50min trip back to the hotel....so we take photos! hahaha...

Even at midnight back at the hotel, it looked like it was 7pm SG time.

For da record.... =)

Happy...

I the only one who got the High Distinction in the CBA module...I think coz it's my individual assignment me did ...and reviewed by ge. =) It was noted as the best of the lot.

A couple of us got HD for the jialat CMI lecturer module. I credit it to the studying...hahaha...coz I could add to more than what was subtley provided on the classroom walls.

two more modules to go...zzz...freedom ending soon again! Gak!

Alexander Platz...

is one of the main train stations on the Berlin map, so I did my quick exploration.

Here's the Berlin dome. Known to be the only dome like structure in the city. There are not many old buildings around, my guess is that they are all bombed during the war. See the modern but old buildings like the Sanyo one below. They are right next to the historical buidlings and look really functional and plain. Like a post war quick rebuilding project.

Fountain with King Neptune in the middle of the park.

Clock tower of a church!

The back of the church looks like a mini version of Notre Dame in Paris. (Berlin Dome on the left.)

The tower that reminds me of so many city towers, marks Alexander Platz. (restaurant on top!)

Wandered over to the Museum cluster. About 5 to 6 of them side by side. Sadly all were closed because it as already so late. Yes, I know, it's bright still, but it's already 8pm local time!!

I wanted to go visit the Greek Gods museum (can't remember the exact name) but it's supposed to be filled with statues of all of them with history included of course.

A nice tourist decided to help me make a pic down the outdoor hallways of the museum.

Above: one of the museum's undergoing upgrading

Boat timing was perfect!

Alongside the museum cluster is the River Spree which cuts through the heart of the city. See how I've wandered from the Platz tower?

Sunset...

Hackescher Markt - It's really a train station above! Yep, I have walked all the way the another station! This area is in the middle of a city park with lots of bistros lining up the sidewalks. A nice place to sit back and feast with friends. =)

bye bye J.J....

"I'm thankful for my chance to have this family, everything we've shared, every chance we've had to grow.

I'll take the best of them with me and lead by thier example wherever I go...

This isn't what i want but I'll take the high road

Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson

or it's because I don't want to walk around angry

or maybe it's becasue I finally understand

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept.

Things that we don't want to know, but have to learn.

And people we can't live without, but haeveto let go."

~ Jennifer Jarreau (aka. J.J.) goodbye message in her last appearance on Criminal Minds, season 6 episode 2.

My study marathons...

Tues exam was pretty good. Am sure can clear, unless the so called draft answers are completely wrong!

After my last rant on monday night. For my tues exam i have to study 4 question which will ensure that i can answer 3 in the exam. Thank God I spend Saturday night going back to the office at 7pm. Sat there will 1030pm and made sure that I re-wrote out 1 of the 4 questions that i was going to study. (this reduce the time needed for memo work, since got some analysis done)

All draft answers are in an essay format. So What I did was i took part of the draft answer and did my own combo and layout of inputs. So that it also help me remem and ans in a logical manner. =) took me 3 hours lor...

But it was the first qn i studied on monday night.

After tat it was about 2am liao. I tried moving on to another question, but found it hard, coz the draft answer abit...hmmm...not so easy to comprehend. So I did the same thing, only didn't add in my own content (no time) but broke it down into point forms and sections. By then...3+ almost 4....cannot laio...no time to memo..so went to sleep.

At work, spent the whoel morning at ONE meeting..haiz...

Generally feeling was dunno if it's pre-period or butterflies in stomach...jsut no appetite lor, so just ate crackers during meeting and planned to skip lunchie.

I was quite happy to skip lunch lah...peace and quiet. I did the fresh print outs of my revised draft answer to questions and went to level seven to study...it was quite funny. I think the people on that level wondering what i was doing. coz i was jsut pacing up and down memorising...plus it was lunch time somemore, so they went toilet ah, wash cup...etc etc.

So during lunch till about 145pm, i managed to cover 2 more questions. Making it a total of 3.

needed one more...exam was at 7pm...so had to bank on tea break or smthing to study lor...

my colleague also stayed back during lunch, we didnt talk lah, or discuss what questions we were goign to study..jsut as well, less influnce and pressure..hahaha

Boss quite nice lah...he only found out from the rest at lunch that me having exam today..he actuallly came my room after lunch to 'gu li' in his usual suan ways. =) I told him i more concern cannot write with hand liao! now so used to typing. Even makie study notes also type!!! I showed him a para I had jsut tried to write and it was terrible! LOL!

At 4pm, me went around taking Ya-Kun orders, it was time to eat, must force. I know sure no mood for dinner, and it's a good excuse for me to walk down with my notes and memo the last question. This last question , the answer 1/4 was very theory, stating steps and the 3/4 remiander is applicaiton of a step with any example. It would be too strange to use the draft example coz how can it be so 'qiao'...so I came up with a 'figurative' scenario and hoped that during exam, I can wing it and apply the Steps to the example lor...no time, no time...

HAHAHAHA

so outside the school, I was calm lah..Thank God. I told myself, no more memorising..just keep reading. So i just read and read...the 4 questions.

At the exam I picked the first 3 i studied =). (the 4th one was tweaked differently lor! So better be safe.)

Thank God for good time management and that earlier on, I had made a plan to leave those 'write endlessly to evaluate' kind of question for last. This was so that whatever time i had left...even though I technically finised the paper, i can jsut continue writing on and on since each para is one 'compare and discuss point', then 2 minutes from time, jsut round up. =)

So yeah! It all went well...

Even on Tues late night..i still doing work...this is called "the brain refuse to stop." Had a dead sleep last night. =)

Now my Thurs exam...hmm...here i am , 4am on a wed late nite. Tomorrow on leave lah...

Zzz nap then woke at 1130pm. And hoenstly just started studying lor! hahaha...

But I again thank god that on sunday for a whole day, I forced myself to churn out point form notes (in my own words, best i can), it was my only day I could give my Thur exam, coz no way i'm touching it on monday night mah...so me summarised about 100 pages of notes into 15 pages. It even reach a point I wanna puke bit liao..hahaha...seeing the 100page notes jsut made me wanna puke...pls note::: it's the only the second time i'm reading the notes ! So had to force myself to chop chop and make sense of that hopeless lecturers notes..hahaha

I thank God again, coz at this late hour, i only need to study those 15 pages. They are not model answers nor did this lecturer give helpful tips. However, I made sure these notes answered/ address the objectives/ questions posed at the end of each lesson --- so hopefully its the right thgs to learn. =)

So...hmmm...half an hour ago..me sorta memorised 9 out of 15 pages...should be ok la hor...tomorrow can do the rest.

Last page was a struggle. So knew time to stop.

Hahaha...I felt as though in school again. While showering I was talking to myself to cover all the 9 pages, test and see if anything left out. =)

Okies...this was a great break....rant rant rant....

Boss and ge da sweetest lah...sms to enc me =) these past few days. Like tonight lor, out of the blue boss say all the best for tom paper..hahaha

It's really quite hard jsut to focus on studying...thoughts of work creep in. Must be harder for those with kids man...more distractions! pei foo pei foo...

Okies..time to wind down...nitey nites!

Sigh...how like that...it's 1230am...and I haven't started fully studying for my exam less than 24 hours away...had to spend the whole night doing office work coz no time liao...

=(

Today was a full day of events that was tiring and frustrating plus other things that needed solving...come home already so drained and really sleepy, but still had to settle dinner.

By the time I was ok to start work, it was 9 plus liao.

Tom wanna take leave also cannot. These two weeks just got too many things happening and somehow sigh...things are faltering lah...

Even for todays' event i dunno why lor..but even the basic things just slipped my mind. Felt so bad...taht it happen again...

Anyway for exam...

I have to memorise 4 questions (essay type)..each about 4 pages long...hmmm...it's all in the real essay format lor...havne't break down into parts to help memo.

='(

Panic hasn't set in yet...

for me exams...

my brain feels very empty. I read without much thought...got comprehend lah...but not in depth inenough for me to close the book and write the essay or apply lor...

Die...

LOL...one on tues and one on thurs night...i have zero engine still...kwats happening!

I studied 2 hours today and played for the rest of the time! haiz..

how how how....really dunno if can study anymore...eeeeps!

Yesterday...

I roamed Changi Airport with a Beeembo book *hides face*....

Later that day...project work was off to a good start. Thank god for some relief. Hope to finish off cleanly tomorrow.

Early Early this morning, as I was engrossed in the Amazing race on teebee, I hear news from ge that her best fren's firstborn said hello to the world! With the mum and baby all good and well...=) with one of my most fav names somemore! hehehe...awesome. His timing was perfect for his god mother's welcomes...haha...indeed the 'el' in the name is verking...hahaha...Elohim. =)

Lastly, I'm glad the 8am overseas conference call is cancelled. (snigger)...

4.25am....so unfair...raaar....

It's so unfair...it's not the end of the world...but it's irritating...

I receive part of the project in corporated into the overall project flow that I did up on thurs. However, of course it would need trimming, and editing for improvement...

And i receive it at 7pm today. When the submission and presentation to the class will be at 7pm tomorrow.

To top it off, the important parts like Overview (first section), parts of the middle (application) and the ending (conclusion) we had agreed earlier should be last as we wanted to make sure that we did these parts together so that we all learned something and understood the whole project so as to be able to stand up to questioning at the presentation. With normal timelines, this would naturally be envisioned to have been done this weekend as a group.

Why I say all this is cause obviously its not done. How to do?

I had told the other team mate that I'd contact him to meet up on the above...but how to...

sigh...then now i have to think of taking half day tomorrow. Because in as much as the final report would and I HOPE be ready (since i'm doing it now) by tomorrow morning, it needs to be laid out in point form in presenation slides.

Now....I don't know about you. But yes, even if all the info is already in the report, extracting it into point form into power point takes considerable amount of time right? At least an hour or two mah!

Aiyah...I recognise it could be alot worse...ie. team mates that do zero or give trouble etc....

but...grrrr....

and now...after cooking and bathing...i have to fetch my mum to punggol...raaar...

Amazing that my sis who is not here is able to spoil my night in 5 simple minutes. I hated it so much it made my skin crawl, and brought back bad memories all linked to the same stupid things. It felt almost exactly the same way as when i was 15.

2 hours later...i still feel like shit. Thanks ...everyone dreams of feeling like shit you know.

damn it seriously.

I really didnt have to know. Not tonight and for what. So you need to get it off your mind...and 'share' the load...but at least ask if it wants to be taken on. Even in my protests that it can wait...it kept going simply because...and really it's simply becasue. There is no shit reason to it really.

Pls lah, for god's sake just move on with your life, u have no excuse and jolly well know that marriage cannot be trusted at all lah...and yes...am sorry...u did go into this with your eyes open. So pls..jsut rectify it and get on. You have more than enough time and more than enough help that was available to get you through. So wake up...really...it bloody hell ain't worth it

Ya...divorced kids (who are the right age to understand) will never have a complete trust in marriage. So sterotypical I know. But I've yet to meet one. And I repeat...complete trust.

You can be blinded all you want by love...but with strong love comes strong hate when it doens't work out.

Kids from proper families, i would beleive if they are more lost than those from broken ones. You learn the necessary tools of betrayal, manipulation, abandonment, seething anger and at time violence and haev sufficient experience to be able to use them again.

Do I belive God can heal that? Of course. But it doesn't mean you lose the tools. He just takes away the desire to use them.

Sigh...i'm so pissed. Then again, when is there ever a good time to hear about such things anyway...

maybe I'm jsut pissed that once again i'm getting the brunt of it. Some form of crap remnant that comes with some form of status/ invisible arrow.

I am sorry, but it's days liek these i'm reminded how much I hate and anger I can build in me. And it makes me feel like shit. But it sjut crawls on you...

And the best way to get rid of it is to drive up to the person...and jsut beat the person to some sort of death...physical beatings lead to physical pain...which remind you that there is so much pain, you don't feel anything except the pain. And that in itself is the best state feeling.

Having written tha last para, i jsut remembered something about me that makes me feel even more shit about myself.

What?

That i'm the kind of shit...that just can't bring myself to do it to the FULLEST extent.

Yes. I do not have enough hatred in me apparently versus others. Plus the fact that God is the ultimate judge. He knwos how much i can hate this inability and I knwo it's him that will not allow me to go there...

Still...it's a shit feeling...in a Thank God moment...

Humph...

Haiz...

I'm remidned ...pple like MM's wife should live longer...times like these...your own mortality doens't matter.

Pls lah...jsut freaking get on with it.

footie blues on a late night...

Another long night but am ok...bit sad footie doesn't seem to be cooperating lately. =(

lesson today was okies, alot of brain drain trying to understand so many fragments. This module is ending soon. Next Tues is presentation and project submission. I've pretty much done up 80% of my part of the project on sunday and monday night. The remaining 20% I haven't done coz not sure how much more depth is needed till the whole proj is ready. But I think tomorrow night I should still make the effort to finish up that 20% which would help me with the exams, even if we decide not to use it as part of the final grp project, it will not be a wasted 20% as it will help me revise.

At least this last bit is theory. the application pain was in the 80% =)

Ironic at this time i'm starting to worry about work too. Sigh...

Really don't know...

Ferni numero uno!! =D

So hard to find a non-racing pic of da best F1 driver in da world!!!!

Congratulations Ferni! Your 3rd number one spot for the season, and so so important for the championship race. I am happy you won in my home land, coz at least you'll have good memories of SG!! LOL!

What a nail biting finish lor. Ge and I were sqwaking away in her room as we watched the final lap of the F1 race in her room. Vettel was just so so so near.....and with fernando's worn tires, anything could've happened. But...heh...i was evily chanting the "Vettel is known to be a bad overtaker!"

Races in SG so exciting...we had a loose wheel, a barrier crash (followed by another), alot of nose to wheel chippings, Alonso's hand gestures to Vettel as he beat him to the pit lane exit, Hami's fierce move that lead to an amusing sequence of banging his head against the car, tossing out his steering wheel and ripping out his water supply...., Kubi's 4 car overtake, and a big big fire fromt he lotus engine...wah... drama drama...

Yipeeedooo... 3 more races...i really wonder...not going to be easy...he's still a good number of poiunts behind webber.

So yeah!!

Today was a pretty smooth day except my 'wake up late' bit... mum celebrated her beeday early today so I was the service chauffer in the afternoon. =) Then I decked myself out in my F1 tee and headed down to a tree for a preview of the new home! hahaha...with a corn soup receipe that i need to adapt into mine! =P

=) okies...i better go sleep soon...monday monday....raaar...=)

less than 5 hours to the AGM. *yawn*...reached home an hour ago and opted to watch teebee to relax..

Today wasn't too bad...ended up spending the whole day on site and night in the office. but at least we got most of the things settled.

I pray for good rest...it's going to be a long day tomorrow.

Heelooo...

Today was a day of uppies and downs. For a start last night i strongly believe i have accidnetally deleted all the videos and photos in my hp camera...which is sad and i ahve been pushing the thought out of my mind. I really lost a lot of good stuff and memories..='(

This morning i couldn't wake up that early, but work was okie in the morning.Pretty much things are set, except the usual last minute things that were not compeltely unexpected. Intern first day at work. Then i went meet ge for lunchie for da first time at Terminal Toad since she left. =) *smacks lips* been a while since i had starbucks in the middle of the work day...in fact...hmm...since ge left lor...

Anyways, came back and boss's mood was okie...he had funny questions for me...but thank god we catered for it inthe event already. So no panic. =) The rest of the time was just vetting stuff so taht they can move...only some things ah...hmm...they really need to go think if what they say make sense. LOL

Then something at the tail end of the day came up that i refuse to rehash here...but that I want to Murder IRAS.

quickly scuttled home...sis was waiting for me to cook, so we ate in time for the news, and me did some reading for my course. =) after that was some work, then laundry.

I feeling pretty good now...sprange...hahaha

K lah, come tom morning, I hope I can move on to other work other than the event. Need to start shaking trees for coconuts.

HAHAHAHA....ok..i seriously dunno where that one came from..=P

Good nite!

can't sleep.

God what can i do that u will let me sleep. i have less than 2 hours of sleep now. have to wake at 7.....................

There is a point where one is supposed to die of exhaustion of sorts right?

...........

I presume it starts with systematic breakdowns....

I'm officially 31....

Yep, me am. =) I spent my birthday on a solo treat to the movies, having a tim sum lunch with mum, resting (lots of zzzz time), tracking my F1, chatting online, attempting to study and having pizza for dinner. =)

The past year has been one of my more through filled ones. Even from the start, of my 30th birthday, my mood was bad. heh...

Then I had a long bout of my gout, with the trial of trying TCM that made it absolutely horrible. Airshow, office move, new staff, work woes...harder to wake up for church, ...more footie blues, ge leaving, and a general sense of ...!?!?!?!?

=)

big horrid stuffs, but good things were peppered in between. Else you'd probably find me in some deep deep depression. hahaha...

This God gets the glory coz somehow His make-up for me and love for sure is strong enough to just have kept my personality for keeling over the edge. But I struggle so. =)

I start my 31st year with a hope that it will be great. So what if it felt as though I wasted a year of my youth in my 30th, lessons were learned, bad habits were formed (!!?...bwahahaha)....yesh...I still consider 30s as youth years ok...I'm not self delusional...but seriously, some mindsets need changing. so what if we ache alittle more, 'Oooof' when when get out of a seat...seem to forget things...or somehow are very out of touch with the in-things these days. It doens't mean you can't have some fun. hee...

I pray for less fears and a 'da shao chu' of mindsets. I pray for a guai foot....err...ok...feet. Hee...I pray for new things that are good. Blessings to the present good things in my life. Enjoying the way I love and laugh. To put in the effort and treasure good frens and relationships better.

OMG...i just realised...I forgot it's Red's beeday too! Alamak...i gave her my beeday to be the same as her's coz she was a stray so dunno her real date...aiyooo...poor red. =S

sigh..just as well i sat next to her for half an hour just to pat her to sleep. She's a good dog when she's not tearing up gardens and running off outside. *folds arms*...dumb animal. Create work!

Oppsss...got carreid away..hahaha...

okies..time for bed. Yeah...i wonder if the US is gg to do some decade thing for 911 in 2011 eh...

I am jeano da beano, signing off and thanking you again for reading her random thoughts and bubbles. *beeeeg hugz*

decided...

It's 9pm liao...pretty much did all i can for AGM for now...except one item...the rest still pending confirmations as usual.

Was almost going to start studying for coursework..but decided enuff lah..dun want to work anymore.....lol

This msg is for the purple sniggering owl! -- whom i know reads my blog..haha..and now I can't jsut leave a msg on msn anymore lor...and unsafe to leave one on her blog! hehehe...

u go with the flow when things are okies...but u stand up for smthg when u know it could've been better or if unjust...or someone is boooleeeed...=)

Learn now...observe...analyse..plan...then pounce!! bwahahaha!

kidding lah..there are new things to learn all da time, sometimes horrible experinces or good ones...but u find it in u to see da good stuff in everythg okies? =) sho sit back, relax n look humble..hehe...no lah..be humble..n relax..

u have much much to give..but a whole lot more when u absorb ur terrain..=) god will help uuu! ask him for help! but not ask in --now now now -format hor..hehehe

Sick and tired of working till 4am almost everyday.

=)

Work this week will fer sure be a =S one.

But till 9am comes around, why bother thinking so much. hahaha...

My comptency based module's individual assignement submission is due on tues. Yep, the first piece of school work for my T&D course. I'm pretty much done, having spend many late nights working on it. Amazingly, thinking back it all happened in a week.

Late mon nite, i was researching online databases.
Tues, was the competency lesson. came home and zonked big time.
Wed, nite me rushed to the bukit merah library just to get some books and started reading as much as I could and started typing the outline on my comp.
Thur prep MC meeting and fri event. Nite was class (a very horrible one). Then i came home, lay on my bed and concussed big time.
Fri after the silly S**E dinner, I locked myself in the room from 10pm and started working more on the content till late.
Sat damn tired in the morning. but got up at 11ish and headed to TP lib which closed at 5.30pm. Once home I couldn't wait to get rid of the irritating assignment!! So worked on it somemore till late again, and realised I might be doing too much for a miserable 15 marks!
Today, I was at it again till dinner time when it was tiem to head out for a reward of a nice time and good food. Tajimaya!!! *slurps*...been a long time...=) Once home, I nawed at it again. LOL.

So here I am...abotu there lah. I've only got my intro (whihc is supposed to bring the reader thru the work) and the finsihing sentencce to my conclusion left. I ahven't tidied up the body. But I'm close. Was so hoping to finish it tonight man!! hahaha

but well, I reached the stage where I couldnt' look at it anymore. because I was no longer constructing and jsut scrolling up and down, more bothered abt my spacing! hahaha...

So yeah! I hope to finish it before work really starts in the morning...so taht at least I'll get a rest day on mon nite with no stress on the assignment.

I thank God lah, seriously if you look at my timeline, I only started a week ago, with real materials only 5 days ago!!

=) okie...time to zzzz...me pray footie gets better tomorrow. Good nite god! heh...=P

It's just the beginning....

Someone asked me a queestion yesterday...and the day before..and it dawned on me for the first tiem for as long as I can remember sept no longer means anything to me. even in my most stressed time, i do remember i would at least perk up abit.

but i'm so tired already. I can't do much except to hang on best I can. No point my impeding self destruction having to affect others. we all have our own weights to carry.

Today was a tiring day. I know..i feel as though i've said this somewhere before..haha..maybe I did think about it earlier. Because i felt better over the weekend, I pushed out some stuff by pulling all nighters for 4 nights (for the peace and quiet) and slept in the day. It was worth it as it gave me some sanity for today in terms of issues.

so last night i could only sleep at 4am. and i had to wake extra early at 730am jsut to bring mum to the MRT. good too as I hoped to get to work bit earlier to print the 300 pager ref books for one of my modules and hoepfully start reading.

No chance when I got in, staff filtering in and started to talk to me.

thank God boss bought coffee at 1030am. Morning was still manageable alot of various phonecalls but nothign major. Boss was at it again and I'm sorry for her lah...anyway...Lunch happened. by mid afternoon I was starting to drain. Didn't help that my colleague told me that the ref notes are quiet useless...but i still need to read them. Anyway...no choice but haev to go library on wed nite i think...The ultimate drainer was a phone call that was a sooner or later. then had to tell my boss about it..that doens't help either...soon it was 630...time really flew by...I looked through the day work on teh small bits i could tie up....at 730...i jsut printed the ref books finally.

I left at 815...got home cooked, ate...watched some news...and fell asleep on the floor till 1130...I woke up really groggy...but scuttled to the loo to wash up ...=(

was supposed to do laundry and start on some reading...any reading...to just grasp my module...

1130 got the laundry in the washer and set up my comp. I had more office work i had to clear and there was no time tomorrow with class.

sigh...ended up spenidng so much time having to guide my colleague in his new role+ 'scolding' another. Clear up some here and there so that others could do some work in the morning.

sent boss some stuff...told him i'd give him more tomorrow by afternoon.

soon it's 330....sigh...

Now it's 410...hahaha..i hung my laundry..yay....had to move my day to monday's coz of class.

my foot starting to ache...stupid...

I started reading eh content page of my ref notes...lol...but my foot says no...

Need to pack up teh washer, bathe and sleep..tom got a 10am meeting...



i must be some stupid idiiot really...for what...it's jsut monday...imagine that...

I hate hearing myself complain...well..here i am..makes me an idiot again eh?

I miss writing about happy things...

You know...

You've been typing too long on the laptop when your elbow bones aches like a bruise when you touch it...due to too many hours propped on the table. haahahahhaa...=)

It's funny the kind of things you think about at night. I'm still positive this foot of mine will get better. Just that I need it to heal faster. I'm hoping that everytime I wake up, somehow I'll be well already.

Hard to explain how I feel. I think it's alot of self reproach. It's like you'e been smoking all your life and at some point, you're coughing your lungs out and gasping for air, but you can only look at yourself.

Today footie has reached a puffier than normal state. I hope he'll just listen and let the meds work. Pray this is the last stage.

I got class on tomorrow and haven't done any reading up or revising at all. One would think that since i'm stuck home and bed ridden you'd do more.but pain really makes a difference...hahaha..I'm too optimistic lah, i think if i clsoe my eyes for 5mins..i'd wake up and it'll be all better.

God, thanks for the company. I trust you'll see me through this again. I thank you for the good blessings for today.

Believe.

In continuation...

I thought having responded before 10am this morning was sufficient.

At 11pm today when mum came back from her singing session, she asked me if I was going to work tomorrow (wed), I replied calmly -- it depends on the foot.

At 1am she comes into my room, standing hands akimbo beside me she said in a stern voice: " OK, I need a confirmation right now if you are going to work tomorrow so that I know what time to wake up."

..............

I calmly replied in a quiet tone:" I do not know, so my safest answer is to tell you 'No, I will not be going to work.'..."

She stormed out of the room.

Minutes later she returned and said. "I will be working on Thursday and Friday as well, so seeing your leg like this, there is no point for me to come back, so I'll just stay in Punggol the next few days."

I said ok, no probs.

I'm used to this. You'd think most would try to be around more or something in the given situation. Would you beg? Or plea? to what purpose?

This is the mini version of an example of why whatever choices I make, I must live with the full consequences of it or whatever failure that comes with it. Can't count on family.

Today's twist was unexpected. Didn't expect a declaration. Hats off to mum.

(On another note, i'd like to thank sis for her help today. Clearing up the dishes and driving me and her dog out to buy prata for our dinner. -- of course it was all for the purpose of letting the queen dog go for daily car ride. Ah dui....and carrying up a flask of water to my room.)

There are times...such as this...

...that I really wanna kill my mum...

Already I can't walk as it is. And she asks me tonight, (Mon) if I'll be going to work on Wednesday. How in the world will I know?!

Then she asks me if I'll be going to work tomorrow, tues. I told her, i can only tell in the morning when I wake up and see the condition of my foot.

Hello, if I can potter around tonight already, I will not just stay in the room and remain tortured lor.

So apprently, I must now tell her on tuesday Morning by 10am, if I will be going to work on wednesday. Simply coz she needs to go back to her punggol place and needs to knwo whether to pack in advnace.

My god,..it's jsut one day...can take cab or not.

Wouldn't it make SUPER logical sense that if I can go to work on tuesday morning, I already can give her the super important will-die-if-take-cab ride on wednesday already!?!!!

How in the world will i accurately know by Tues morning BEFORE 10am if I will be well enough to go to work on wednesday?????????? Can i tell by some Crystal ball that at 1500h on tuesday afternoon I will be doing cartwheels at home or something???

It's as though I've volunteered to be in this predicament and I have an apprent 'schedule' I can follow and can confirm.

Makes me feel like crap everytime I can't walk coz daily you make me feel as though I am DELIBERATELY NOT going to work.

Who wants to feel this way???...You think i opted to be handicapped?!

You make me feel more useless with each passing day.

I only wanted to have some fun..='(

...now i can't walk again...

Unforgettable - 2Euro scotch tape.

I was quite tired after reaching the hotel -- Holiday Inn Schonefeld Airport. (I later found out there were only 3 hotels near that airport). and mine was digustingly the furthest from it. (aka. not within walking distance. But 1 min drive.)

After checking in and making sure they can accomodate the auto-check in for the rest of the mission team, it was only about hmmm...11am local time. I was hungry and thirsty. Needed to go out explore how to get around and where to get the basics.

The hotel had a shuttle to the schonofeld airport (which is the hub for the bus terminal and train station)...but it ran at the oddest hours. I had to squint at some silly A4 sized paper and understand the timings with block out dates. I asked the recep if they had a copy of it. ---No! =S

Wah lieu...thank God I smartened up and took a photo of it. Just as well easier to refer to when I'm out and about.

Next since it was a sunday and it's considered an ulu place, I found out that I had to request for the shuttle service out of the hotel. (ie. there's hardly any guest to make it worth the regular trip.) The recep was a little shocked when I enquired. She said:" Oh, you can request for it." Me:"Can I go now?"....lady:"Now?! Ok, let me see..." ..(*scuttles to back room to find the driver*) I was quite afraid of the trip back really. I mean, the driver couldn't speak a word of English, and I was trying to ask him in the bus, how I was going to ensure I managed to get a ride back when I was done. I mean, do I have to wait for the scheduled time according to the sheet of paper or rely on thier ad-hoc ways?

Somehow, I managed to figure out I was supposed to find some signboard (which is the designated drop off/ pick up) and wait for the shuttle...if it's 5mins late from the supposed time of arrival. Call the hotel. (ie. we're not that efficient or come out when we want to.) Ah dui....

hahaha...anyway, pic above shows the 1970s look of the airport. (yes, inside looks like 1970s with the mosiac small square tile flooring and no lifts either.) Still, it was close to summer for them so you can see them all just sprawling on the open field reading, having picnics and chatting, soaking up the sun.

It's a good 400m walk from airport to train station. And I trekked up and down four times just to compare prices of snacks and drinks between the miserable number of shops/ snack counters between them. You can count less than 10. LOL!! At each trek, even tho the walkway was decently crowded, i did a mini detour just to avoid this strange normal looking man, who had this 'very free' look and kept approaching and talking randomly to passer-bys. Scary...

I eventually made my choice of shop and made this shopkeeper so happy! (He looked italian). Prior to my arrival, he was sitting bored outside his shop (with virtually no human traffic) and chatting with a friend. He was nice, asked me why I was in this part of town and surprised by my number of purchases, since he started packing up my choices after only 2 items and keyed it into the cashier, thinking that it was all he'd get for the day. hahaha...

Really helpful and tried to explain to me what the items were. Eis Kaffee --- Ice coffee....Eis tee-- Ice tea...=) Wasser -- water...

I also got my dinner/ late lunch from another shop at the train station. Some kebab sandwich from a middle eastern eatery. (see the aluminium foil behind the biscuits) + a slice of pizza.

I tell you...i was quite worried how my kebab sandwich would turn out lor....since this schonefled area is so ulu, they don't expect tourists, so the whole menu was in german. My God...there was alot of pointing up at a wall (hoping he understood which pic i pointed at since they were not numbered)....then when the owner asked me more questions on choice of meat/ condiments/ stuffing and i retuned him the =S look, you should've seen his face contort to try to find the basic english words for me! hahaha

I wondered the whole time whether i'd find it edible. What was that weird greenish sauce he added? Did he even understand I wanted a take away? I had no clue to what I had agreed/ not agreed to and the final price he was going to charge me.

*sniffles*

Its tiring but in cases like this, you just have to keep a smile, friendly face, stand out of the way of the locals (who just waltz in and ramble an order) and keep alert. Have to make sure you don't offend anyone lor.

Thankfully the man was nice and I believe he gave me alittle more than the usual stuffing, seeing how clueless and hungry I was. =) God is good. =)

So yes, My mini purchase of all the above is a grand total of *drum roll* = 50 euros! which is about S$75...*faints*..I felt very poor straight after...=(

Just 2 packets each of ice tea, milk, water, plain biscuits and a coca cola + dinner!!

Next day, I set off late morning to ILA. It was one day before the show (monday), and it so reminded me of Avalon where there's no transport at all. So I 'requested' (hehehehe)...for my hotel shuttle to the airport, (to save some moolah on distance) then took a cab. Thank God I didn't try to walk. It was a good 8km away.

The cab driver whom I rode with to my hotel the day before just pointed in a general direction and said it wasn't far off. But i didn't trust their version of 'nearby' one lor..hahaha...besides he did not say it was within walking distance.

I spent alot of time moving between the Exhibitor's Centre and Hall 11 (which was where our booth was.) Everytime I had an issue, I had to trudge there. It's like...hmmm...walking between Wheelock and Wisma. Doesn't help me not in comfy boots and it's gravel/ raw road.

Above you see the booth next to us...so on lor the taiwanese. But realised they sold it to two taiwan companies. Still they came in full force, one comepnay having a team of 6 people. =) So fun. They were laughing and chatting away while cutting and pasting their displays. Me felt lonely setting up...

And here's our booth! Yes, they spell the country name wrong lor. Many of the europeans were trying to figure out which languange the mistake was made in. The germans said that it's Singapor in german....so....was it french?, Spanish? =)

I had to get help to put up the posters. Glad I planned well and brought all the materials I needed. Except I had to hunt for the only stationary shop to buy scotch tape. really can faint at the prices! hahaha...The shop was like a container truck run by 3 aunties! Very local...who were clueless about what i meant by scotch tape, or even tape...LOL...

I had to look and point...and when I heard a roll of masking tape costing 6 euros, I asked them if there was anything cheaper. After showing me 2 other versions of tape. I settled for the 2Euro one --which is the small roll, yellowish transparent tape that you can buy for 50 cents back home lor...S$4 for that...yes. it was the cheapest...kekeke...

Basic deocr for the SG booth! took me about 2-3 hours, waiting around for them to send the contractor to help. As with other shows, they always say they'll get it done and hope you'll just go away. I gave up once the lights were up, but country word not changed. It was already 4pm plus, and I may have to wait till the next day lor!

Trekked near the exhibition hall. We were the International Suppliers Centre - Hall 11...and yes, there WERE 10 other halls, scattered throughout. I didnt even walk to Hall 1 to 3 during the show coz it was just too far.

Took photos here and there. See the cars just drive haphazardly around the planes...so liberal, unlike the overdone security at our local show lor...

I found these roles of grass cute. Interesting hor? They are real leh! They used them to 'tile' the indoor cafe of the adjacent hall for the garden look. =)

SG flag!! hee...all the foreign countries taking part in the ISC!

The standard photo of "here I am!"....I realised this is the only pic of me I took in the show ground (...that terrible lor! LOL!)

Weather was warm. Went back to the hotel to shower and put down stuff, before heading out to Berlin center to explore. Solo travel so must be wise in what i'm carrying. Especially since it's long train trips in the outskirts. Once again, ulu train station, so no helpful signs/ people. So took me one hour to figure out how to buy the right ticket and get on the right train.

Thankfully, the day's were long in Germany at this time. Sunset was at 1030pm. So even at 530pm, it was still like 2pm! Can stay out longer!
Above station is Ostkruez is was like the interchange from schonefeld line to the berlin center. Thank God again, that ge and I figured out how german train lines work. So i read the map alot faster and knew which was the right one to board. Heeee....

This station was surrounded by constuction and looked very make shift. Very dark at night, which you'll see in my return trip pics.

While waiting to transfer at the station, this hostel opposite was called "1st floor hostel"...hmmm...so what's on 2nd floor ah? =P ....notice how skinny the building is tooo!!!

TXL =)

(Dear all, sorry it took me a long while to put up ...long overdue pics of my trip!! ..hope ya like reading it! I will try to finish up best I can! =)

My first A380 flight! So exciting! I was to depart on the early morning 1am flight on 6 June, Sunday. But before I even boarded the plane, much drama happened the few days before.

For a start, I fell sick. Very sick. It's been along time since I had such a bout of flu and loss of voice. So much so that when I was got home from work in the last few days, I could only bring myself to eat meds and hope to sleep it off. But it didn't work.

On friday night, I was supposed to pack. My final day (Since i'm technically leaving saturday night). However, I could barely breathe right and just wanted to rest. So i pumped myself with meds, prayed and zonked.

I awoke early at 7 am, and moved non-stop for the rest of the day. Boss called me sometime in the morning to make sure I was in good health to travel. I was feeling better and hoped the projected chiong day would not keeel me!
> 7 to 11am, pull out and decide on clothes + take stock of what I need to buy.
> 11am to 1pm, head to parkway to pick up items.
>1 to 2pm, eat lunch.
>2pm to 4pm, go back office and print out necessary
>5pm to 8pm. Pack.
>8 to 10pm. Can't really remember but it's mostly online stuff to make sure I got $$$ on hand. Double checks. Buy travel insurance.
>10pm -- Ge starts msning "why you still online?!"..lol...I leave with sis to drop off car at office. Then I came home showered and she drove me to the airport.

Thank God i did early check in, so I was quite set. When I reached the lounge to await boarding. I was pooped. What a long day. It had been so rushed, I even forgot to tell my cgl I was going overseas! hahaha...
I chose an upper deck seat which was cool! Because you're on economy but you get to board via the first/ biz class gangway. Picked window seat for the reknowned extra space on the side (it's a storage space), as shown in the photo. Krisworld featured Alice in Wonderland -- but i didn't watch it at all.

I squeezed in about 4-5 movies shows throughout the flight. Lots to choose from and the console was easy to navigate. I spent most of the flight wondering what the knob on the top left was for. LOL. Yanked on it abit...and decided not to be too curious..it's a long flight you know!!!

I barely slept on the flight. The guy on my right took up quite abit of elbow room, plus with the gap between the wall and seat due to the extra storage, i couldn't do my "lean on the wall" to sleep.

I have to say that the seat was disappointingly ok. Nothing extra comfortable about it. Leg room felt alot less (compared to my 777 flight home). But with the upper deck, service was defintely faster and I felt taken care of as the staff were dedicated to your section. Barely had to wait for your turn to go to the loo. Oooo...and of course, the food and beverage selection was better on the A380.

A 13 hour non-stop from Singapore to Zurich. I wonder if this is the Swiss Alps eh? I love this pic. This is my second trip to Europe. 1st one covered Frankfurt and Paris. So I've never been to Zurich before too.

It was a 4 1/2 hour transit. I got lost initially trying to find my transit gate. It's best to know where it is first before planning to rest/ explore. (Learned this from past travel experiences, as gates can be really really far/ in another terminal. Just because the sign arrows you in the direction. It doens't mean it's a 15min walk away.)

I read the wrong info and did a whole circle. When in fact, my transit gate was very near my inital arrival area! I window shopped at the transit area. Pretty tempted to buy one of the nici products and the swatch watches. Was confused by the prices as they were in swissrfranc. But after some calculations, realised it wasn't any cheaper. I couldn't explore much for long becasue my backpack was really heavy with the laptop.

So I plonked myself down at the comfy transit area (above). There were electrical points near all the seats so you could tinker with your lappie if you had one but no internet, so no fun for me. I thank God for some wisdom to have stored some 'portable' food from the flight. Becasue the most of the makan cafes/ fast food, look like they took swiss franc only and not worth converting the euros.

Yes...I took a spoon too. Thank God. Helped me eat the cheese you know! LOL! (I returned it on my return flight lah!) I very happily munched away and read my JD robb book.. =) Then slept un-glam style----> one arm draped on the bag, mouth wide open and head tilted back - for about an hour.

These are pics I took enroute to my departure gate. The choc shop selling toblerone had these giat ones about one metre long lor! (bottom shelf!)

I also passed many smoking lounges 'sponsored' by Camel. Here was where you could take your puff and kill your lungs in the safety of fellow puffers. I was quite intrigued with it's blatant - Camel Smoking Lounge name, and equally amused by the next line that read "Tobacco Seriously Damages Health." -- seriously?!?...

The plane from Zurich to Berlin was a Lufthansa flight. Much smaller A320. Took ages to take off. It seemed to be flexing it's wings and flaps. So i got a shot too...First time I've seen it risen so high on the ground. Engine was real noisy during the tests.

On board, this was a snack only flight. So don't expect the hot towel service like SQ. What I adored the most was that in the spirit of the upcoming World Cup, they gave out these cute cute cute soccer balls, which were really a soild ball of milk chocolate inside! Yums....I took more for ge actually, to support her beanut...Bwahahaha....(inside joke, sorry.)

The plane I was on was really small, if I thought I had a hard time fitting into the seat, the two americans on my left were worse off due to their gangly legs. They had this american on holiday look about them, and both wore berms! How comfy... =) Definitely on holiday.

Reaching Berlin, once again you are reminded of good ol' home airport's efficiency. It took a very long time for them to open the doors. So everyone (except me of course..hehe..) all stood up cramped at the isle in half bend postures ready to go.

Proof of how long it took was that they had started and finished loading up our luggage onto the truck. I'm quite increduled that they really use manual labour of just two men to carry ALL the luggage lor! I could see it from my window and was excited when I spotted my luggage!!! heeee...

See the red bag is mine + the black tube holder on the top with the fragiel sticker too! heee...what are the chances that it was right under my nose!
Here we are!!! Berlin Tegal Airport! Airport code: TXL! The main international airport of the capital of the Wursts! =)

Above pic is the main area with F&B, a supermarket and some shopping. This is where you get to the exit towards the trains and bus terminals.

Tegal is laid out such that a few pentagons buidlings cluster together( with the middle of the cluster the main area). Inside the pentagon are just check in rows and arrival/ departure gates with car rental booths. When you exit the departure gate, you can immediately board a cab. But I did not and walked all around the terminals just to find this mian area becasue it was the ONLY PLACE THAT HAD AN INFO COUNTER, with a free map of the city...chuh...
I finally decided to give myself a treat before trekking any further. hehehehe...Starbucks! Caramel Macchiato!! It was hard to get to the cafe. It was on level two. 3 flights of stairs with no lift --- how to haul luggage?!?...but for the sake of the cuppa I did! 3 up then 3 down...Knee pain..=(

On da cab to Schonefeld Airport where the Berlin Airshow is. All the way to the other side of berlin from west to east. Took a pic of the cab rates! S$8 when boarding ...faints!