Happy April Fool's Day!

It's amazing how fast time flies.

On a late saturday night, I had a curiousity to come in and have a look at my blog, and started thinking if I should do a clean up of sorts for my widgets. Most of the free widgets I'd signed up in the past are no longer FOC or simply non existent (for reasons that I've not bothered to find out.)

Anyway, I've only left my chat one there, because I'll just find the time to look out for a nice one. I liked the one shoutmix gave in the past due to soem customisation and cute emoticons it gave back in it's day. But am sure there are more advance ones out there, equally if not more cute, that I'll soon discover.

Today is officially April fool's day. Yes, 1 April. There's somethign in me that is a form of uneasiness I do not quite comprehend. maybe it's just tiredness given that I'm ill and the office move means having to get used to a new environment.

Sigh...my room is too big...i dont' know but seriously i seem to develope a headache when I'm in that room. either because it's too bright...or the paint smell is still there...

I reaslly should be going to shower and sleep. I only have weekends to really rest these days. So with my flu, all the more I should. So ok, i'll try to post up more when I can.

Smile!! =)

500th!

...500th post, that is. =)

I have nothing much to say today really. Heh...am just here to be thankful for a good weekend.

Even though I barely slept 2 hours on Friday night, I had a surprisingly energised saturday that went well doing the route trials, and a half hour nap. And even though traffic was bad a we ended up at the art science museum later than expected. There was even time to try out a new burger joint, catch the Dali exhibition, enjoy the cool weather and have a first time tea experience. =)

Sunday was a good day too! Good atmosphere at home and kick back my shoes to watch the most boring race on the calendar (coz of the track)...but good to see Vettel get a puncture at Turn 1 *cackle*..nothing against him..but everyone is just looking for a change. (Alonso came in 2nd behind Hami)

So yeah....a good weekend. And I give thanks to God for it. =D

Sigh....I can't believe at 1230pm...

...I heard such information...

It's 225am now...and I'm still thinking about it...

If I'd known...I'd have bought something solid to prepare for it...

Arhhhh...it still bites me up inside!

It's about Ferrari and they are coming to SG...more than Ferrari it is SPECIFIC TO FERARRI...

Raaarrr...

Over the Top

These days if I ever think of my pops, I somehow end up watching the movie Over the Top starring Sylvester Stallone.

I dunno why...

Maybe it's coz I remember that pops used to like the show alot, or maybe some of the principles in the show is something that I could imagine him saying...heh..

Watching it again now that I'm older, I guess I understand why he likes the show...it probably gives him a booster ...because it focus' on the simple things of good character, integrity, learning from mistakes and a determined heart. it probably also gives him cheer that in the show, the one's with the wealth and riches just "don't get it". That was my pops coz he went through the same 'class' system feel.

You can see alot of 'probably' and 'maybe' in my last few sentences...becasue i've never got to ask about it I guess.

Anyway...I've always said this..and I recognise it...

It is ironic that some 'views' of life he pointed out to me as a child, I still remember well and are views that keep me grounded and tougher...and I have spent less than half my life with him.

I thank God I remember the views that were good and not warped..

If you've never watched the movie before. You should. There is some cheesy acting and quite impossible. But the heart is there. You can find it on youtube. Type 'ottp 1' for part one in the search field...it's short for the movie name, and you'll see the rest of the movie linked up too.

I have to say it's a great Father's Day movie. =)

Just watched...

months ago, i watch Toy Story 3 the movie. Finally got around watching it, coz I guess, I was afraid it would not be as good as the previous ones, and since it was to be the last, I didn't want to leave a bad memory on 'heart' behind Toy Story.

The final scene left me crying in my room, minutes into the end credits. =')

It's lovely.

I just found it online again and rewatched it.

And I still cry.

Pixar is amazing. They managed to capture NOTHING ABOUT THE FACT...that it's about the characters or whether you're a fan of toy story...or even whether you knwo the story or not.

It captured your childhood. As long as you were a child with imagination and 'play time'....you would completely feel for the final 5 mins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2vr0M7jhRk

Over 3 movies, Andy the owner of the toys has grown up and going to college and even though he's older, a part of him is sentimetal and remembers the joy these toys had broought to his life, even though now he has to move on.

I CRIED AGAIN>...LOL

I'm a hopeless but happy sop. =)

I took some action since my last post the net day. After a talk that decided on a form of confrontation. It was not what I hoped it would be...but other ways were just too unacceptable for me.

It was a happier day, not coz of the talk...but that there was no need to have to tolerate for several hours and spoiling my mood. It is sad it has reached this stage...but deep in me, I know it is a point of no return on some levels. Can't be entrusted.

However I awoke this morning and since yesterday's realisation that it's a point of no return, I also decided to give another week or more time. But a very reserved time. ie. deciding that there is nothing worth going for anymore and will not deserve anythg more than the cold way it has been treated.

Today is boss' beeday. =) I think the celebration went awesome. simple but fun and got all involved. Hope he likes the purple ipad cover. Thank god i don't own one...else I'd probably have a hard time parting with it! LOL.

Boss loves purple....correction..royal purple...so we filled a box of purple gifts for him..hahah..we made him way a birthday boy hat too..hee...=)

Too bad no time to upload the photo. heh...

Another time ya!

He's a great towkay. Who can cause pain, and joy...hahaha...=)

It's 4am....

Am glad class 95 after so many years hasn't changed and still provides the right solace for so many many years...

Radio is a friend. Music tells you how old you are in a good way....

You realise that so many times in life you are up at this time with the radio on...at so many junctures of your life...

As you get older, you grow wiser and know it will pass with unlike the earlier dispair that you would entrnech yourself in your much younger youth...when it seems there is no way out.

If only the wisdom takes away the emotions ...and not exercise heart conditioning...

Wow....

has it been that long since I last put up a post/ comment?...hmmm...i don't think there is any particular reason, just probably uninspired.

Unfortunaly I had no where else to go except here to complain...I am angry...no...angry seems abit harsh at this very moment..however i am very pissed. Pissed enough to pick a fight if I wanted to.

Sick and tired of selfishness, childishness and the like.

The emotional drain on this is getting worse and I wish in all wishes that I could choose not to give a damn about it.

I am very aware of my emotions and know that my patience has worn thin. It's reaching a bloody month for goodness sake.

People haev remarked before that I'm patient accomodating...balh blah blah...however...therein lies the danger where it builds up. And i move from calm to violent with no in between. Things tend to break and I'll be glad to undust my dictionary of epithets.

I learned of this in sperate incidents of injuring my hand, breaking a door and table.

I seriously wish I can be equally selfish.

What a F***** hyprocrite.

Only two words seem to come up these days, hyprocite and selfish.

Sigh...the thing that makes me pissed more than the aspect of selfish and F*** hyprocrite...is that I feel like shit for wasting my emotions and energy being pissed...when ultimately it was caused by a selfish shit and f**** hypocrite...

U can see that I'm refraining from using words from the 'dictionary'...If I start...I fear I can't stop.

I presently jsut want to walk away.

A way...

...............2.36am....and I have to wake in 3 hours to do a little more...and need to be in teh office by 830.

How is it possible that no matter how much you try to speed up...it doen'st seem to move as fast as you'd want to...

God I pray for strength and endurance for all of us, and a whole load of favour...loads of it please. Please more than we can ever ask or imagine. i know I'm screwing up a whole way with you, but yet, i pray your grace and mercy will not be withheld because of me.

I pray for an open heaven. ....wow...i suddenly can still remember one of the ways to open heaven and release the promises. I dunno why i'm making that last statement about remembering..hahaha...ok I'm sorry, i really shoudl go shower and sleep.

Nite nites...

The past 2 weekends...

I've had this rather uncontrollable urge to just throw away everything in my room. Don't even bother to think or re-arrange. (ie. what goes to salvation etc.) just throw.

Coz when I consider salvation army (ther than clothes) i think I will hesitate.

I dunno why I feel this way. Maybe coz i'm sick of my room being the mess state it is, plus no room for new things or a revamp of my room if I want to.

Just around christmas I tried doing some clearing...but ended up 'thinking' too much and led to hesitation and eventual....'let's do something else..this ain't fun.."

hahaha

But how impt is it to keep some history? I mean...really do we look back at physical memories? I'm not talking about photos/ sch stuff (kept and sealed liao) or gifts from friends. More like, hmmm...ticket stubs to a musical, old CHC special magazines, that can no longer be found. Sea shells (that still look nice) you picked up at a resort holiday by the beach.

How about my Man U magazine collection and cards, (incomplete so useless in the mkt) that I saved up my pocket $$ just to buy when i was in sch...

A box of ad hoc wrapping paper..for emergency use...my paper that i bought for artwork. Used some (and mybe i can keep the rest for another time?...

You know, those kind of things...haiz...

I mean, seriously, I see mountains growing around me, buy i only use a good 5% of it. Barely touching or refering to the rest.

HOW....=(

I guess am afraid to throw something I miss/ would be impt to me in future..

But I don't even think about them 99% of the time so why bother?

there are some other things I jsut go buy. Like the gazillion shampoo/ moisturisers samples, that i've kept (and are now probably expired..hahaha...(to even have to through through those to find one tht hasnt'?)....If i need I'll just go buy lor.

HOW...=S

If only i can just rip out my heart and throw EVERYTHG.

growl...I just need a bag and sweep everythg in can?...eeeps...

I need some courage...a strange kind of courage.

Help!

Shall I jsut do it tomorrow?...get the ball going?

Clear up space in my room..then get a flat screen TV...bwahahha...

meeeeps/....

Singaporean Bands...

Somehow...in my random surfing of songs that bring back memories on youtube, i started down a path of home grown talent...

When I first heard Tanya Chua's - My Colour TV Set, (can't remember how long ago) I thought I was listening to something from the Cardigans. =)

I didn't like Tanya though. Call me rebel I was in Sec two. Lizards Convention stole my heart with thier version of Elvis' Wooden Heart. (which i still play in my car OK!)

I think someone should just compile all the best SG songs since the 90s. It would be a nice album.

Like Lizards Convention, The watchmen (My one and only), electronic (for you), radioactive...mmm...and the one song that in naive years of my youth, I truly believed there was hope for Singapore bands..LOL...so much talent...so littel support..haiz..If anyone remembers Kick! who sang "Jane", you are definitely MY GENERATION...wahahhaa...

I mean, defintely if you know John Klass the DJ, who's the lead singer..=)

It sounds so cheezy now, but I can't belive someone actually found the music video lor! It's on youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhV0dbdVJQ

Wow...and just suddenly my brain remembers all the names, - Humpback Oak, Padres, Concave scream...The stoned revivals, the oddfellows. (I dunno why they pick such names lor...trying to be like metallica? hehehe...I guess it was cool)

hahaha...Frankly I don't like their songs that much. But hey...Hoooray for Singapore! =)

Waiting for my Chu Qian Yi Ding to cook...

I beat zzz monsters tonight. Though with questionable productivity. I believe I have only written a quarter of a page the last 2-3 hours. Thanks to Whiskey who's bugging Red again and whining all night. So i literally get out of my seat to shut him up every 4- 5mins.

Looking at the time frame, i can only afford a day or max two more to finish up this assignment. As it is, I just looked back at what I wrote 2 pages back and it's so disconnected lor...=(

Haiz...I need to shit out the content I'm pleased with then do the structuring at the end. Prayerfully, whatevefr content I'm hammering together will not need so much disconstructing, orbe useless in the final outcome.

That leaves me with less than 8 days for the other assignment that I've yet to even think a 'poof' of a thought bubble about. I decided distraction is not the way to go. So focus is better in order to get it out like a irritating pest.

My colleague declared today she is going to ask for an extention. As tempting as it is. I trust I will not. I cannot afford the time, nor do I want to endure this irkish feelign any longer.

20 Jan is the deadline.

raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr...

okie...*sniff sniff*...da noodles smell cooked...

Time for some youtube + Chu Qian Yi Ding! hee...

Chewing of nails....

..almost non-stop since 12mn, and well...for the earlier part of today.

It's like this when I'm trying to focus on work. I don't know if it's an anxiety thing or it helps me to think. I just suddenly catch myself biting again even though I distinctly remembering stopping only moements ago...hee....

It's now 3am, so I'm taking a break...

I'm on to my last assignment of my module (hopefully the last, but will take it as it is...)

But believe it or not, I haven't written a single word of the expected 2500 essay.

I had decided to give myself a break from the Grad Dip work till Christmas day. So it was only yesterday I got down to taking a good look at the question. It's not a hard one. It's straightforward but the more you think about it, you start to realise that there are several challenges.

It's the kind of question, pretty much like a GP paper, where, with one's opinion, experience and observation you are able to answer. So good and simple right?

However, it soon dawned on me that a solid paper would have to be one with wider reading and referencing to journals and articles. Not the self opined sputterings of a 31 year old.

Thank God a swift decision was made while sitting on the loo bowl at 1500h on sunday, that given the context of the question, there is no need to plunge into hardcopy boooks from the library as per my previous modules, and a focus on online materials should be sufficient.

For 4 hours yesterday evening, to free my mind from biasness, I filled my mind with random reading to anything or something that is close to the topic. That's the challenge of the internet information overload.

There's so much available, you need to spend time searching and reading through, even skip reading to help you determine if there's any info that could be useful, or worse, realising it's all completel trash...

Articles found need to be checked if there's proper references/ authorship and of course, the date for relevancy (i.e. I can't be referencing another's sputterings.)

A sense of dismay when diagrams are blocked/ omitted by the author, and having to consider the latest antics to 'download/ read the rest' by allowing full access to my facebook!!! (never will happen...)

Do not be deceived by blogs I learned the past 24 hours, as some are genuine postings/ articles.

I pooled what i could and noted some URLs, which I hoped are useful, and went to zzzz...

At noon today, I looked at the same URLs and went.."WTH..."

Hahahaha...really ah, sometimes you wonder why you were so drawn to it in the first place...

Anyway, in an hour, I had reached some sort of pain wall. Because I was stuck. Didn't know how to start and how to structure. I could go any way. *Damn*....it was also accelerated by the fact i had to apply some of my lecturer's personally created diagnostic models to my assignment. (brain all wony now...)

So i buried my head under a pillow and had horrid afternoon dreams of arguing about Gen X (hahaha...first hint of my topic!!!)

so yep, here I am, started back on my assignment since midnight. And still not a word.

Aiyooo...

I have to finish this by Friday, at least 99% of it. Submission on Tues. (no time in between)

I have scribbled some form of structure/ flow to the essay. However, I feel slightly paralysed. It's as though I'm not convinced it will work, or ther'es something irking me that's missing...and of course, where to start: " work on chunks that are not connected and hope you'll find a connector or figure out the connectors which means you need to find the chunks to fit them..."

=S ....faint!

It's now 330!

I can do more if I want, however, I think reading those articles again will only cloud my mind further.

so am going to bathe and watch soccer! heee...(of course will fall asleep sooner or later lah..=))

Restless restless!!!

It's hard to start my course again...Was supposed to start from last night to read a book to help for my presentation. And by today come up with a couple of slides.

I find myself getting so restless and backside itchy..LOL...keep getting up. It's not much to read and i'm familiar wiht the topic. but can't seem to get settled! Went to nap...boil water (goodness)...read up on gout...read up on soccer stats...check CNA...

I've forced myself to read the whole chapter and start typing out points from the chapter that I felt are good. But I find myself skimmign through and having to 'slap myself and force myself to re-read becasue i demanded quality reading in order to pick out out good points so that I do not have to refer to to book again.

3 of 5 chapters...it's 930pm.....Raaaarrrr....

Feeling tired...and sad...

..could just be the night..

bye bye J.J....

"I'm thankful for my chance to have this family, everything we've shared, every chance we've had to grow.

I'll take the best of them with me and lead by thier example wherever I go...

This isn't what i want but I'll take the high road

Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson

or it's because I don't want to walk around angry

or maybe it's becasue I finally understand

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept.

Things that we don't want to know, but have to learn.

And people we can't live without, but haeveto let go."

~ Jennifer Jarreau (aka. J.J.) goodbye message in her last appearance on Criminal Minds, season 6 episode 2.

My study marathons...

Tues exam was pretty good. Am sure can clear, unless the so called draft answers are completely wrong!

After my last rant on monday night. For my tues exam i have to study 4 question which will ensure that i can answer 3 in the exam. Thank God I spend Saturday night going back to the office at 7pm. Sat there will 1030pm and made sure that I re-wrote out 1 of the 4 questions that i was going to study. (this reduce the time needed for memo work, since got some analysis done)

All draft answers are in an essay format. So What I did was i took part of the draft answer and did my own combo and layout of inputs. So that it also help me remem and ans in a logical manner. =) took me 3 hours lor...

But it was the first qn i studied on monday night.

After tat it was about 2am liao. I tried moving on to another question, but found it hard, coz the draft answer abit...hmmm...not so easy to comprehend. So I did the same thing, only didn't add in my own content (no time) but broke it down into point forms and sections. By then...3+ almost 4....cannot laio...no time to memo..so went to sleep.

At work, spent the whoel morning at ONE meeting..haiz...

Generally feeling was dunno if it's pre-period or butterflies in stomach...jsut no appetite lor, so just ate crackers during meeting and planned to skip lunchie.

I was quite happy to skip lunch lah...peace and quiet. I did the fresh print outs of my revised draft answer to questions and went to level seven to study...it was quite funny. I think the people on that level wondering what i was doing. coz i was jsut pacing up and down memorising...plus it was lunch time somemore, so they went toilet ah, wash cup...etc etc.

So during lunch till about 145pm, i managed to cover 2 more questions. Making it a total of 3.

needed one more...exam was at 7pm...so had to bank on tea break or smthing to study lor...

my colleague also stayed back during lunch, we didnt talk lah, or discuss what questions we were goign to study..jsut as well, less influnce and pressure..hahaha

Boss quite nice lah...he only found out from the rest at lunch that me having exam today..he actuallly came my room after lunch to 'gu li' in his usual suan ways. =) I told him i more concern cannot write with hand liao! now so used to typing. Even makie study notes also type!!! I showed him a para I had jsut tried to write and it was terrible! LOL!

At 4pm, me went around taking Ya-Kun orders, it was time to eat, must force. I know sure no mood for dinner, and it's a good excuse for me to walk down with my notes and memo the last question. This last question , the answer 1/4 was very theory, stating steps and the 3/4 remiander is applicaiton of a step with any example. It would be too strange to use the draft example coz how can it be so 'qiao'...so I came up with a 'figurative' scenario and hoped that during exam, I can wing it and apply the Steps to the example lor...no time, no time...

HAHAHAHA

so outside the school, I was calm lah..Thank God. I told myself, no more memorising..just keep reading. So i just read and read...the 4 questions.

At the exam I picked the first 3 i studied =). (the 4th one was tweaked differently lor! So better be safe.)

Thank God for good time management and that earlier on, I had made a plan to leave those 'write endlessly to evaluate' kind of question for last. This was so that whatever time i had left...even though I technically finised the paper, i can jsut continue writing on and on since each para is one 'compare and discuss point', then 2 minutes from time, jsut round up. =)

So yeah! It all went well...

Even on Tues late night..i still doing work...this is called "the brain refuse to stop." Had a dead sleep last night. =)

Now my Thurs exam...hmm...here i am , 4am on a wed late nite. Tomorrow on leave lah...

Zzz nap then woke at 1130pm. And hoenstly just started studying lor! hahaha...

But I again thank god that on sunday for a whole day, I forced myself to churn out point form notes (in my own words, best i can), it was my only day I could give my Thur exam, coz no way i'm touching it on monday night mah...so me summarised about 100 pages of notes into 15 pages. It even reach a point I wanna puke bit liao..hahaha...seeing the 100page notes jsut made me wanna puke...pls note::: it's the only the second time i'm reading the notes ! So had to force myself to chop chop and make sense of that hopeless lecturers notes..hahaha

I thank God again, coz at this late hour, i only need to study those 15 pages. They are not model answers nor did this lecturer give helpful tips. However, I made sure these notes answered/ address the objectives/ questions posed at the end of each lesson --- so hopefully its the right thgs to learn. =)

So...hmmm...half an hour ago..me sorta memorised 9 out of 15 pages...should be ok la hor...tomorrow can do the rest.

Last page was a struggle. So knew time to stop.

Hahaha...I felt as though in school again. While showering I was talking to myself to cover all the 9 pages, test and see if anything left out. =)

Okies...this was a great break....rant rant rant....

Boss and ge da sweetest lah...sms to enc me =) these past few days. Like tonight lor, out of the blue boss say all the best for tom paper..hahaha

It's really quite hard jsut to focus on studying...thoughts of work creep in. Must be harder for those with kids man...more distractions! pei foo pei foo...

Okies..time to wind down...nitey nites!

Sigh...how like that...it's 1230am...and I haven't started fully studying for my exam less than 24 hours away...had to spend the whole night doing office work coz no time liao...

=(

Today was a full day of events that was tiring and frustrating plus other things that needed solving...come home already so drained and really sleepy, but still had to settle dinner.

By the time I was ok to start work, it was 9 plus liao.

Tom wanna take leave also cannot. These two weeks just got too many things happening and somehow sigh...things are faltering lah...

Even for todays' event i dunno why lor..but even the basic things just slipped my mind. Felt so bad...taht it happen again...

Anyway for exam...

I have to memorise 4 questions (essay type)..each about 4 pages long...hmmm...it's all in the real essay format lor...havne't break down into parts to help memo.

='(

Panic hasn't set in yet...

for me exams...

my brain feels very empty. I read without much thought...got comprehend lah...but not in depth inenough for me to close the book and write the essay or apply lor...

Die...

LOL...one on tues and one on thurs night...i have zero engine still...kwats happening!

I studied 2 hours today and played for the rest of the time! haiz..

how how how....really dunno if can study anymore...eeeeps!

Yesterday...

I roamed Changi Airport with a Beeembo book *hides face*....

Later that day...project work was off to a good start. Thank god for some relief. Hope to finish off cleanly tomorrow.

Early Early this morning, as I was engrossed in the Amazing race on teebee, I hear news from ge that her best fren's firstborn said hello to the world! With the mum and baby all good and well...=) with one of my most fav names somemore! hehehe...awesome. His timing was perfect for his god mother's welcomes...haha...indeed the 'el' in the name is verking...hahaha...Elohim. =)

Lastly, I'm glad the 8am overseas conference call is cancelled. (snigger)...