Angel

I was writing a post on monday night. I was reluctant to start it at first. But I went ahead because it would help me just think through stuff...I gave up after a while...and let it go. It went not much anywhere ....So I've left it unposted in my list.

It's pointless talking about other areas. So I'll just talk about one, since it takes up the bulk of our day.

I've not been reacting well at work. But I just have to push on, no matter how I feel about it.

It's not a disastrous thing that has happened. In perspective it's a really good thing. And we all know that no one likes change and we all dislike having to adapt to new things. That I recognise. It didn't happen overnight either and we've been somewhat prepared for it the last 8 months and more so in the last month.

So why in this way? I couldn't for the life of me understand why...old tendencies came up. (Horrible thoughts that would piss others off if they heard it, and I so pissed myself off for hearing myself say it.) And somehow I can't hold on hard enough positive things to push on (partially because of other areas) ...but it became hard again.

It was quite a familiar feeling...but there was something else attached that only dragged me. It pretty much feels like the previous time when my org was changing, big events came up...and we all had to evolve and push on....

Before i go on, I shall say...I will survive and I will persevere. Whatever my end product may be... God knows that we're so busy fighting other demons, that really, I can't see ahead. It is not an excuse, but I have recognised it as a struggle He will slowly work on with me. I hope.

So having been a complete ass (in my dictionary) at work. I was in the lift on the way to an afternoon meeting when it hit me...sometimes, i can't believe i can forget these things. I mean....it would save me a whole lot of pain and heartache if I can recall them fast.. So that I can manage.

But I take it that God is good to allow it to be so forgotten, for He says in His word that we should not dwell on bad things, but set our hearts on the good stuff, speak praiseworthy stuff. Perhaps that's why that even though it may be a bad thing i've realised before, i've somehow managed to forget it!...ahhaha...

So yes...in the lift, I remembered one fact of my life - Long suffering.

OK OK...I hear protests..change is inevitable, everyone hates going through it, so does that mean that we're all longsuffering??!!? hahahaha...=)

I'm not going into self pity here...no, I'm just sharing. =)

To understand how long suffering has to dow ith my work situation I need to share the story...

So this is the story:

As far as I can remember, which is my primary school days, I've always struggled to learn and pick things up. All I recall for primary school was that even when I attended extra revision lessons and there was a quick quiz thereafter, I'd have a very average mark, that left my teacher frowning, becasue she knew I was paying attention.

For secondary school, my memory is clearer, as those were the live or die years. No tuition, no remedial classes. Just your own study time, discipline and time management. I was doing the same workload as my classmates, but I was an all-rounded flunker. Intially, I thought I was just not putting in enough effort. So I put in more hours on extra work. So there birthed my late nights of studying. I tried to do extra assignments, even if it meant that I'd stay up till 3am. (which also coincidentally birthed my love for radio, which was my only late night companion.)

Even with that, I passed my O's on average vs my schoolmates. Perhaps at this point my mum noticed this....but I was oblivious...till I went to JC...and it hit me..well, more like slapped matter of factly in my face, by my principal.

My year one mid terms was a disaster. And that meant a meeting with the P. The carnage following meetings with the P. was very re-knowned and real....and it struck fear and resentment in hearts. But it could lead to spur on sheer determination to prove them all wrong.

I was assesed to be doing what I needed to do to be a good student. but just couldn't give the results. Seems my subject tutors had good things to say about my efforts. I swore I studied and that i put in the time for homework....but but...

That's when I learned that you can't compare yourself to your peers. Others can put in an hour to study one chapter. I'd have to put in 3 hours for the same. Sorry about that. But no worries, you're not the only one in the school. There are others too...so if your friend can go to sleep after revising 2 hours. You can't afford to do the same.

JC was a time I stepped out of my academic shelter and really saw the differences in all my schoolmates, simply becasue my JC meant we came from all walks. And I really had compassion for those that struggled harder than and had it worse off than me. If i had it tough. What about them?

So yes, with that understanding. I pushed, not with a "but i study as hard as them what" attitude. But that I needed to put in the energy and time more than ever....I was not alone in school, like I said...there were those worse off..but we did our best. Some of them didn't make it to Uni....

Sigh..if JC was bad..uni must have been worse right?...yeah..didn't help I picked Engineering. which means. 5 1/2 day weeks, full day in school, with 8 subjects and projects per semester. At least i didn't look on at my classmates and not understand why I couldn't pick it up as fast. Some of my hall mates felt sorry for me...coz i was doing tutorials till 4am...(after hostel activites till 10pm? hahaha...)...and waking up at 8am for the 8.30am lesson....engineering is hell k..it was madness to do it....that is why NTU engineers (from my hearings) are more hardy than the *ahem* other Uni ones and more sought after...hahaha...

I remembered crying after finishing just ONE bloody tutorial question after 4 hours (please note, it was 4am and my entore hostel leve was zzzzing...) and I had 3 questions more to go...of course I asked the better ones for help. Like this one that did the same tutorial in 45-freakin'- minutes....he'd explain the question and answer to me...but it'd take me 2 hours to digest and rationalise out why it was done that way. (the proper way to study mah...)

I had to extend my uni studies and lost my honurs because of this...and my FYP broke my heart too...Thank God I knew God by then...who came by in my 2nd year of uni (and technically subject wise I was still stuck in 1st year....raaarr...)...and told me how much He understood...and He was there...all the way...for everything...He didn't offer me a solution...there was none...except that He loved me. (It was not long after, that the revelation of longsuffering seemed to be the revelation to me from my leaders.)

And like before, there were those that were worse off than me even in Uni...we all pushed hard together...and yes...I did finish before some...

I really understand how it feels and well...not that i'm all crazy about it...but it helped me talk to some younger kids that couldnt' understand why their peers were able to pick up so fast, but they were willing to try....so I encouraged them when they had to put in those insane extra hours that were not needed by others. When I see them online at wee hours of the morning..I know just what they are doing. -- and I don't tell them to go and sleep, or 'dun be so hardworking lah'...but I tell them to pace themselves, take a break and drink more water...to pray for strength...

=)

Woah...that's a long story man...sorry got carried away. But i'm glad I managed to get it all down, (pausing to cry at times...ahahaha)...but yes..

So here we are...back at work...and it adds up...

Hahaha...it just dawned on me that I may have been once seen as stupid and slow all these years...which is so frustrating..but no...I must never ever go there....

In the lift this afternoon...I realised that's what I'm tired about...

Of course, I don't expect myself to pick up my new role so fast...but, I will take longer to process and to pick up...so I need to work harder at it...block out the idiotic voice in my head...fight...day by day...God i promise I will...no way am I going to pity myself...there are those who are worse off ...remember my blessings...

...it intensifies when I can't feel God near...but doesn't mean he ain't there...

Am sure I'll reach there ..well, somewhere there...(like how I scrapped through my education)...just have to push harder ...work more at it...more hours...

I wonder if there will ever be something that I can pick up so fast and be so so good at it...hahaha..sigh...ok ok...not helpful...bad memories....

Haiz...it's 3.20am now...I even take a long time to type out a post..goodness...

I love radio...even now...it's accompanying me...=)

How apt...the radio just started playing Angel by Sarah McLachlan....now you know what I mean by God understands..He knows...

Go rest girl, enough for today....=)

My footie...

Really can't take high impact stuff. So i learned from my Friday night badminton. I was fine straight after...but two hours later, i was squeaking... (considering i only played for 10-15minutes lor)

Then saturday morning I was creaking! Hahahaha...But all is well. Am back to slight squeaks, but that's norm. =)

Saturday, after several hours back in the office, I made it just in time to watch Julie and Julia at Kallang. It seemed like the only decent show at a decent time. hee...also, kallang after 10pm = free parking outdoor + don't need to book seat online even on a weekend. (a little like balestier), but with free parking..muahahaha...

I'm gald to say that filmgarde has improved their popcorn..especially sweet flavour..they msut ahve realised they are losing patrons due to the poor state of food!

It's a nice show. based on the book by Julie Powell. It's on two true stories. So yes..it's a drama, but had it's very good and funny moments. so much so, that i burst out laughing in 'my way' lah hor....hehehe...and still sniggered long after the scene changed. 2 hours long...

Ironically, one of the stories is about a girl who has hit her 30th birthday...and she's crowded out and belittledby her successful friends. =)

But overall, the kind of show that you feel was worth the moolah.

Oh...ya...talking about movies, the previous weekend, i watched Imagine That with the CG at Illuma, bugis.

1) The movie by eddie murphy was good, funny and very heartwarming. makes you want to have a dad. I think it must have been a show made for fathers' day in the states. The story line was suprisingly unique, though of course, the ending had to be a predictable feel good one...but the plot..was a nice touch.

2) Illuma -- for the new building that it is ...it is a COMPLETE disgrace...my god..i've never seen a buiding that wastes so much space, dark, dinghy...and very very dirty. For a new building, the paint was chipping off the doors to the toilet. The passageways were stale...the toilet was half lit. and had loo roll all over the floor...wet...and dirty...yucks!

The lift was dimly lit. with handprints and smears inside the lift...yeeew...gross man...grosss...

i felt as though I was in some old god forsaken shopping building..

And the colours they picked..=S...what were they thinking!

Never again!

Just had a good laugh

Watching some videos on Kumar. Yes, Singapore's Kumar. I really think he's very funny.

And he's a very positive guy that beat many odds. I later watched 3 videos where he shared about his life from young, through NS and how he go to where he is today, called 'Truth or Dare'

Really good words of advise to all who struggle with self esteem. =)

Was reading this article online which is an ABC news interview. Which speaks positively about him too. =) http://abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=4263016&page=1

Trekking...footie torture up the Henderson Waves!

On a whim I decided to torment my feet today with a trek up to the Henderson Waves. First time I've been there...=)

In a way, Yuna and i were conned...we were told it's a stroll...

It's a walk UP to Mount Faber lor...goodness...

Thank God we went late afternoon at about 5pm.

Following photos are not in order...too nuah to bother..LOL...will try to comment where I can!
Camera on the floor on timer..heh...

Riding da waves!..insane action shots...

I got a big butt...but I found a way to hang on...so that can pose....lidat --->

Right arm pain now man...hahaha

Yuna (left) and Anna (right)...posing for the goofy shots as usual...

Yuna and I agree that Anna is mad (at the vivo starbucks) -- after the trek and vivo jalan...

Shots before we started on the trekking...

We took the Marang Trail...And yes...very dark at night..no joke..my cheapo camera with flashlight came in handy...

(L to R) Nika, Anna, Yi Zhuang, Yuna

Yuna --> attempting to do a 180 on the waves...

That's all folks!

Hand made...in every way...

Why Every Way?

(One piece of plain A4 white paper)
+

(Heart)
+
(One box of 12 colour markers)
=

Nice right...it's so colourful and cheery...I like da words, so arty in a happy way-- it just makes me =) big big ...... + the vintage looking border..LOL...

Ge did this lor...even though she slept at 5am and woke at 7.45am, with a full day of meetings...she bought the materials from bras basah this evening.

She was sqwaking to me as we walked over from bugis about how horrible she is at making cards...LOL..plus she 'pia' and did it tonight! Heh...and she's still writing the card now...

Schweet right...=)

It's one thing to be good at something and putting in effort to do it...but it's another thing to not be good --*ahem - so she sayz*-- at something and having to fight zzzz to do it! =D

This one is boss' card I posted about in my last entry...Cute tooz hor! We added his classic phrases he says to us like -- "You IDIOT, get out!" and " Slap you ahhhhh"

Can finally post this up!

I wrote this last Thursday night and was just about to post it up...till i remembered there's this teeny weeeny chance that boss knows our blogs! So...to be..*ahem* safe...i delay putting up till today...heh...coz there's a surprise for him that ge and me made...=P

It was a pretty nice day. Boss and ge were in a good mood. And well for me, since i brought home my 'homework' last night to do, I only needed to finalise some things. Surprisingly, this round boss decided not to do the heavier stuff. (No wonder so quiet the whole week + today.)...else...hmmm...today mood won't be sho good bah...hahaha...

Lunch time, i went with ge to Tampines 1 and back to the japanese gourmet town and other than the Omurice, we decided to try out this new stall tht sells dishes that i don't exactly understand what goes in and how it's cooked! hahaha...it's just touted to be a traditional 'food' since 1946 or something.

It's called Osko, and it's nice...in a burnt sort of way. Took 15mins to cook! Thank God I shared it with ge. One big plate of that...it gets too nauseating after awhile and you don't want to eat it anymore. =S but hor...come to think of it...it's like white carrot cake especially the burnt edges...slurp!

Next at Times, we picked out a cheery card for boss. No occassion, just that we've never really did something random just to appreciate him. And we're supposed to do it since...the start of June! Well, initially we thought to give him a makan treat. But with him being so busy and all with the new cafe, ge suggested a card. =)

Dropping off ge's library books, we found out that the library system was able to sms her to remind her to pick up hear reserved book, even though she never left behind her mobile number...*twilight zone music*

HAHAHA....I was more amused than freaked. =P

The afternoon MC was pretty good. The usual impatient atmosphere for some items. I think boss had ge sit in. Aiyah...we should've ganged up with the MC to traumatise her...AHAHAHA...

But the nicest part of the day was at the end, when we raided office stationery to deco boss' card. hee...it was fun...the final product looked like something two 10 year olds put together..hahaha...

But am really proud of it, coz it's a true joint effort! =D

We thought of just plopping it infront of him and dash off for our friday afternoon meeting, so that he'd read it before he left for overseas on Saturday. But ge had a better idea that we leave it with my colleague to pass to him on the flight...so that it became a 'plane letter'. hahahaha...

Last time, I never knew there was actually a name for such letters! till i gave one to ge..

Man..I jsut googled plane letter..and there are people asking how to write a plane letter to their girlfriend. What sweet/ nice things to say...etc etc...alamak..how sincere is that man....goodness...just write from your heart lah!

Hahahaha...i just read an even better response to 'plane letter'..Someone asked "How do plane letters work??"......read this link and their replies...it's hilarious how many have interpretted it to be!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060724080155AAdUliu

This one person wrote: "Hummm... well plane letters usually can be found on planes... they can be fancy letters or plain letters... but both types are plane letters if they are on planes."

?!??!??!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!

Yes -- that was the exact number of ? and ! over my head when i read that...

The person who wrote about her handwriting was da best man! LOL!...

I found...

Picture of Red that i took at the vet's when she was sick the last time...her behavior here got me worried...coz she was so 'te' in a strange environment. I had just stood there talking to the vet...and she settled tat my shoes and squished herself there..pushing hard, with her eyes closed tight, on my shoes!

I had to ask the vet if this was normal..hahaha...I couldn't bear to move after that looked more calm and peaceful.

I think she was just feeling urgh...and wanted attention..=)

Don't give up =)

Mum's back!

My system has gotten so used to mum not being around, that when she came back on Thursday night, all my blockers had forgotten to brace themselves proper. =S

It could be worse for my sis...Bwahahaha...coz i hear her locking her room door several times when we hear mum clomping up the stairs. Suffocation in the room..LOL

then again....mum's got a bit of jet lag now...so...she's doing the vampire thing...eliminating the peaceful refuge i have after 1am. Hahaha...

Ah well, just takes getting used to bah.

Anyway, I had a new dream yesterday that was pretty cool. I was accidentally involved in some protest of sorts. What I remember was that it was as though I lived back at my old uni hostel. Initially we weren't involved. We were outside another building, a group of us. And there were these threats to charge into the building by the tenants. Talking to one of the tenants he explained that the place was going to be 'taken over' (dunno by how or what) and they wanted to charge back in to protest and make their stand on what is theirs.

We were not involved. Until, the person (you will learn he is a bozo later) said that our hostel was a part of the larger land involved in this whole saga (our hostel was not far from this building being interlinked with several other similar buildings). Being passionate about our area too, we charged into this building...ready to take our stand against this takeover. Once in, soon after, someone yelled that the police were here. Some ran, some held their ground.

We held our ground. Then the bozo said that he had made a mistake and our hostel was not involved at all. IDIOT.

But once in the building of contention. The police would see that anyone present is 'on the protesters' side and would arrest all.

Crap...so what began straight after was a cool military like operation. By my group to traverse and plot our way back to the hostel through the maze of buildings, with the police closing in on us.

Once back at our familiar hostel, due to our absense, a take over of sorts had begun too. It was like a scene from those movies, where you had to blend in and act as one of the enemies....and when the time was right, we would re-group and plan our escape.

Carefully hiding the essential items that would aid our survival during the escape, in various nooks and corners within the building we were more familiar with than the intruders.

Closer to D-day, it got more tense, as everything had to be in place. What was insufficient had to be boostered up.

It's funny, but i was hiding this whole tray of about 60 to 80 chicken pies, behind my room wall!

It was accessible by a hole, where I covered it with a single oven, with only one chicken pie (which was the 'allowable' number), innocently being stored/ cooked in the over. Praying hard at each inspection that they will find nothing suspicious, during inspections.

After all, if they smelled the pies (they would think its from the single one mah!) -- jeanius! =P

Closer to the time, the team checked on each others progress and reminded the hours/ minutes left to the rendevous time. My commander came in at +30mins and gawked at me emptying those large oblong shaped - khong guan like biscuit tins and refilling them with my chicken pies.

I explained to him that if we're going to hit water, in on of the tunnels with unpredictable tide levels this would keep the pies dry and unsquashed. The tins would also float, and we would not lose our food to error....LOL!!! He didn't argue and told me to 'carry-on' reminding me about the ruck sacks I was supposed to 'steal' from the supply shop for the rest of the team too.

At +23mins, I was scrounging and checking the quality of the rucksacks in the supply room, I needed at least 25. A last minute need at 3hours 20mins and somehow, I was in charge of getting them.

Suddenly one of my team mates appeared! He knew I'd be there at that time for this task, as it was the immediate moment the supply room was closed and I'd be able to sneak in.

Thinking that he was there to help, I told him I was already on number 23 and would have no problem getting back to my room with the necessary and still rendevous.

But he was there to ask a favour. You see when we had returned to our hostel, his room had been taken over by one of the enemy. His stuff cleared of the unnecessary and what was of course nice was kept by the baddie.

Anyway, he needed to take something he had stashed in a secret compartment in his room. It was dear to him. Some photos of his family, sentimental trinkets and impt documents that could help the team later on, if there were complications. He thought he could do without them. But as D-day drew closer, he couldn't get it out of his mind...haiz...

He needed a look-out for this. As he knew the enemy would be out of his room to take a shower anytime soon. So yeah, of course I helped him...hahaha...and we suceeded. With such dreams...of course the dramatic would happen where the baddie came back fromt eh shower early but my friend managed to slip out unnoticed, just in the nick of time.

Hmmmmmm....well, i think I woke up to go to the toilet jsut about the time of the rendevous and the start of the escape!!! Wahahahaha...it was only 11am! And i thought with such exciting dreams, it would mean i had slept for ages.

While dumping in the loo, I did consider whether to go back to sleep just to continue the exciting adventure! HAHAHA....

Fun right...=P

25 million euros ...per season...

WAH...highest record for a ferrari driver it seems...

maybe I should write to him and ask him if he could sponsor some tickets at one of the classy suites, when he next comes around SG...hmmm...

OR...5 suite tickets for the Aussie grand prix next year...heh...then ge can go Melby again and we have enough tickets to bring her sisters and bro-in-law along..=P

That would be nice...=)

I just read off the renault F1 fansite on their comments on his departure. They are all wishing him well or screaming "Come back!" hahaha...but they all want him to win in ferrari and beat schumacher's record..Bwahaha...

His love relationship with renault...even in tough times at Mclaren, renualtF1 took him in. And the fans know that when he left for Maclaren in 2006, he said: " No matter where I am, for which team I drive. Renault will always be my home ". Maybe that's why they took him back in...=) But they too know his potential and committed him only to a two year contract.