My study marathons...

Tues exam was pretty good. Am sure can clear, unless the so called draft answers are completely wrong!

After my last rant on monday night. For my tues exam i have to study 4 question which will ensure that i can answer 3 in the exam. Thank God I spend Saturday night going back to the office at 7pm. Sat there will 1030pm and made sure that I re-wrote out 1 of the 4 questions that i was going to study. (this reduce the time needed for memo work, since got some analysis done)

All draft answers are in an essay format. So What I did was i took part of the draft answer and did my own combo and layout of inputs. So that it also help me remem and ans in a logical manner. =) took me 3 hours lor...

But it was the first qn i studied on monday night.

After tat it was about 2am liao. I tried moving on to another question, but found it hard, coz the draft answer abit...hmmm...not so easy to comprehend. So I did the same thing, only didn't add in my own content (no time) but broke it down into point forms and sections. By then...3+ almost 4....cannot laio...no time to memo..so went to sleep.

At work, spent the whoel morning at ONE meeting..haiz...

Generally feeling was dunno if it's pre-period or butterflies in stomach...jsut no appetite lor, so just ate crackers during meeting and planned to skip lunchie.

I was quite happy to skip lunch lah...peace and quiet. I did the fresh print outs of my revised draft answer to questions and went to level seven to study...it was quite funny. I think the people on that level wondering what i was doing. coz i was jsut pacing up and down memorising...plus it was lunch time somemore, so they went toilet ah, wash cup...etc etc.

So during lunch till about 145pm, i managed to cover 2 more questions. Making it a total of 3.

needed one more...exam was at 7pm...so had to bank on tea break or smthing to study lor...

my colleague also stayed back during lunch, we didnt talk lah, or discuss what questions we were goign to study..jsut as well, less influnce and pressure..hahaha

Boss quite nice lah...he only found out from the rest at lunch that me having exam today..he actuallly came my room after lunch to 'gu li' in his usual suan ways. =) I told him i more concern cannot write with hand liao! now so used to typing. Even makie study notes also type!!! I showed him a para I had jsut tried to write and it was terrible! LOL!

At 4pm, me went around taking Ya-Kun orders, it was time to eat, must force. I know sure no mood for dinner, and it's a good excuse for me to walk down with my notes and memo the last question. This last question , the answer 1/4 was very theory, stating steps and the 3/4 remiander is applicaiton of a step with any example. It would be too strange to use the draft example coz how can it be so 'qiao'...so I came up with a 'figurative' scenario and hoped that during exam, I can wing it and apply the Steps to the example lor...no time, no time...

HAHAHAHA

so outside the school, I was calm lah..Thank God. I told myself, no more memorising..just keep reading. So i just read and read...the 4 questions.

At the exam I picked the first 3 i studied =). (the 4th one was tweaked differently lor! So better be safe.)

Thank God for good time management and that earlier on, I had made a plan to leave those 'write endlessly to evaluate' kind of question for last. This was so that whatever time i had left...even though I technically finised the paper, i can jsut continue writing on and on since each para is one 'compare and discuss point', then 2 minutes from time, jsut round up. =)

So yeah! It all went well...

Even on Tues late night..i still doing work...this is called "the brain refuse to stop." Had a dead sleep last night. =)

Now my Thurs exam...hmm...here i am , 4am on a wed late nite. Tomorrow on leave lah...

Zzz nap then woke at 1130pm. And hoenstly just started studying lor! hahaha...

But I again thank god that on sunday for a whole day, I forced myself to churn out point form notes (in my own words, best i can), it was my only day I could give my Thur exam, coz no way i'm touching it on monday night mah...so me summarised about 100 pages of notes into 15 pages. It even reach a point I wanna puke bit liao..hahaha...seeing the 100page notes jsut made me wanna puke...pls note::: it's the only the second time i'm reading the notes ! So had to force myself to chop chop and make sense of that hopeless lecturers notes..hahaha

I thank God again, coz at this late hour, i only need to study those 15 pages. They are not model answers nor did this lecturer give helpful tips. However, I made sure these notes answered/ address the objectives/ questions posed at the end of each lesson --- so hopefully its the right thgs to learn. =)

So...hmmm...half an hour ago..me sorta memorised 9 out of 15 pages...should be ok la hor...tomorrow can do the rest.

Last page was a struggle. So knew time to stop.

Hahaha...I felt as though in school again. While showering I was talking to myself to cover all the 9 pages, test and see if anything left out. =)

Okies...this was a great break....rant rant rant....

Boss and ge da sweetest lah...sms to enc me =) these past few days. Like tonight lor, out of the blue boss say all the best for tom paper..hahaha

It's really quite hard jsut to focus on studying...thoughts of work creep in. Must be harder for those with kids man...more distractions! pei foo pei foo...

Okies..time to wind down...nitey nites!

Sigh...how like that...it's 1230am...and I haven't started fully studying for my exam less than 24 hours away...had to spend the whole night doing office work coz no time liao...

=(

Today was a full day of events that was tiring and frustrating plus other things that needed solving...come home already so drained and really sleepy, but still had to settle dinner.

By the time I was ok to start work, it was 9 plus liao.

Tom wanna take leave also cannot. These two weeks just got too many things happening and somehow sigh...things are faltering lah...

Even for todays' event i dunno why lor..but even the basic things just slipped my mind. Felt so bad...taht it happen again...

Anyway for exam...

I have to memorise 4 questions (essay type)..each about 4 pages long...hmmm...it's all in the real essay format lor...havne't break down into parts to help memo.

='(

Panic hasn't set in yet...

for me exams...

my brain feels very empty. I read without much thought...got comprehend lah...but not in depth inenough for me to close the book and write the essay or apply lor...

Die...

LOL...one on tues and one on thurs night...i have zero engine still...kwats happening!

I studied 2 hours today and played for the rest of the time! haiz..

how how how....really dunno if can study anymore...eeeeps!

Yesterday...

I roamed Changi Airport with a Beeembo book *hides face*....

Later that day...project work was off to a good start. Thank god for some relief. Hope to finish off cleanly tomorrow.

Early Early this morning, as I was engrossed in the Amazing race on teebee, I hear news from ge that her best fren's firstborn said hello to the world! With the mum and baby all good and well...=) with one of my most fav names somemore! hehehe...awesome. His timing was perfect for his god mother's welcomes...haha...indeed the 'el' in the name is verking...hahaha...Elohim. =)

Lastly, I'm glad the 8am overseas conference call is cancelled. (snigger)...

4.25am....so unfair...raaar....

It's so unfair...it's not the end of the world...but it's irritating...

I receive part of the project in corporated into the overall project flow that I did up on thurs. However, of course it would need trimming, and editing for improvement...

And i receive it at 7pm today. When the submission and presentation to the class will be at 7pm tomorrow.

To top it off, the important parts like Overview (first section), parts of the middle (application) and the ending (conclusion) we had agreed earlier should be last as we wanted to make sure that we did these parts together so that we all learned something and understood the whole project so as to be able to stand up to questioning at the presentation. With normal timelines, this would naturally be envisioned to have been done this weekend as a group.

Why I say all this is cause obviously its not done. How to do?

I had told the other team mate that I'd contact him to meet up on the above...but how to...

sigh...then now i have to think of taking half day tomorrow. Because in as much as the final report would and I HOPE be ready (since i'm doing it now) by tomorrow morning, it needs to be laid out in point form in presenation slides.

Now....I don't know about you. But yes, even if all the info is already in the report, extracting it into point form into power point takes considerable amount of time right? At least an hour or two mah!

Aiyah...I recognise it could be alot worse...ie. team mates that do zero or give trouble etc....

but...grrrr....

and now...after cooking and bathing...i have to fetch my mum to punggol...raaar...

Amazing that my sis who is not here is able to spoil my night in 5 simple minutes. I hated it so much it made my skin crawl, and brought back bad memories all linked to the same stupid things. It felt almost exactly the same way as when i was 15.

2 hours later...i still feel like shit. Thanks ...everyone dreams of feeling like shit you know.

damn it seriously.

I really didnt have to know. Not tonight and for what. So you need to get it off your mind...and 'share' the load...but at least ask if it wants to be taken on. Even in my protests that it can wait...it kept going simply because...and really it's simply becasue. There is no shit reason to it really.

Pls lah, for god's sake just move on with your life, u have no excuse and jolly well know that marriage cannot be trusted at all lah...and yes...am sorry...u did go into this with your eyes open. So pls..jsut rectify it and get on. You have more than enough time and more than enough help that was available to get you through. So wake up...really...it bloody hell ain't worth it

Ya...divorced kids (who are the right age to understand) will never have a complete trust in marriage. So sterotypical I know. But I've yet to meet one. And I repeat...complete trust.

You can be blinded all you want by love...but with strong love comes strong hate when it doens't work out.

Kids from proper families, i would beleive if they are more lost than those from broken ones. You learn the necessary tools of betrayal, manipulation, abandonment, seething anger and at time violence and haev sufficient experience to be able to use them again.

Do I belive God can heal that? Of course. But it doesn't mean you lose the tools. He just takes away the desire to use them.

Sigh...i'm so pissed. Then again, when is there ever a good time to hear about such things anyway...

maybe I'm jsut pissed that once again i'm getting the brunt of it. Some form of crap remnant that comes with some form of status/ invisible arrow.

I am sorry, but it's days liek these i'm reminded how much I hate and anger I can build in me. And it makes me feel like shit. But it sjut crawls on you...

And the best way to get rid of it is to drive up to the person...and jsut beat the person to some sort of death...physical beatings lead to physical pain...which remind you that there is so much pain, you don't feel anything except the pain. And that in itself is the best state feeling.

Having written tha last para, i jsut remembered something about me that makes me feel even more shit about myself.

What?

That i'm the kind of shit...that just can't bring myself to do it to the FULLEST extent.

Yes. I do not have enough hatred in me apparently versus others. Plus the fact that God is the ultimate judge. He knwos how much i can hate this inability and I knwo it's him that will not allow me to go there...

Still...it's a shit feeling...in a Thank God moment...

Humph...

Haiz...

I'm remidned ...pple like MM's wife should live longer...times like these...your own mortality doens't matter.

Pls lah...jsut freaking get on with it.

footie blues on a late night...

Another long night but am ok...bit sad footie doesn't seem to be cooperating lately. =(

lesson today was okies, alot of brain drain trying to understand so many fragments. This module is ending soon. Next Tues is presentation and project submission. I've pretty much done up 80% of my part of the project on sunday and monday night. The remaining 20% I haven't done coz not sure how much more depth is needed till the whole proj is ready. But I think tomorrow night I should still make the effort to finish up that 20% which would help me with the exams, even if we decide not to use it as part of the final grp project, it will not be a wasted 20% as it will help me revise.

At least this last bit is theory. the application pain was in the 80% =)

Ironic at this time i'm starting to worry about work too. Sigh...

Really don't know...