Doggie Walk

Amazing that my sis who is not here is able to spoil my night in 5 simple minutes. I hated it so much it made my skin crawl, and brought back bad memories all linked to the same stupid things. It felt almost exactly the same way as when i was 15.

2 hours later...i still feel like shit. Thanks ...everyone dreams of feeling like shit you know.

damn it seriously.

I really didnt have to know. Not tonight and for what. So you need to get it off your mind...and 'share' the load...but at least ask if it wants to be taken on. Even in my protests that it can wait...it kept going simply because...and really it's simply becasue. There is no shit reason to it really.

Pls lah, for god's sake just move on with your life, u have no excuse and jolly well know that marriage cannot be trusted at all lah...and yes...am sorry...u did go into this with your eyes open. So pls..jsut rectify it and get on. You have more than enough time and more than enough help that was available to get you through. So wake up...really...it bloody hell ain't worth it

Ya...divorced kids (who are the right age to understand) will never have a complete trust in marriage. So sterotypical I know. But I've yet to meet one. And I repeat...complete trust.

You can be blinded all you want by love...but with strong love comes strong hate when it doens't work out.

Kids from proper families, i would beleive if they are more lost than those from broken ones. You learn the necessary tools of betrayal, manipulation, abandonment, seething anger and at time violence and haev sufficient experience to be able to use them again.

Do I belive God can heal that? Of course. But it doesn't mean you lose the tools. He just takes away the desire to use them.

Sigh...i'm so pissed. Then again, when is there ever a good time to hear about such things anyway...

maybe I'm jsut pissed that once again i'm getting the brunt of it. Some form of crap remnant that comes with some form of status/ invisible arrow.

I am sorry, but it's days liek these i'm reminded how much I hate and anger I can build in me. And it makes me feel like shit. But it sjut crawls on you...

And the best way to get rid of it is to drive up to the person...and jsut beat the person to some sort of death...physical beatings lead to physical pain...which remind you that there is so much pain, you don't feel anything except the pain. And that in itself is the best state feeling.

Having written tha last para, i jsut remembered something about me that makes me feel even more shit about myself.

What?

That i'm the kind of shit...that just can't bring myself to do it to the FULLEST extent.

Yes. I do not have enough hatred in me apparently versus others. Plus the fact that God is the ultimate judge. He knwos how much i can hate this inability and I knwo it's him that will not allow me to go there...

Still...it's a shit feeling...in a Thank God moment...

Humph...

Haiz...

I'm remidned ...pple like MM's wife should live longer...times like these...your own mortality doens't matter.

Pls lah...jsut freaking get on with it.