Not too good lately eh...

Past two weeks have got more challenging at work. Hmm..the way the work piles on the plate or how duanting it is hasn't changed much. But i guess, prolonged exposure has led to a shorter fuse in me. Ask anyone in the office...haha...

On tuesday i actually blew a fuse over---wait for it-- Pizza!....ya manz...the whole office got a glimpse of one pissed Jean...haha...sigh...I was so regretting it immediately after, because ...honest to goodness, it's not about the pizza but the story behind it that just capped off the entire situation!...ah well, what's done is done. If people are going to think it's over a pizza, I can't do much..besides I can't erase the real reason for my sudden frustration. =) except to just let it go...

this afternoon came another wave. This time quite contained, except my boss got the brunt of it since he was the cause of it. Sigh...i totally see his point and why he did it... I support it too, for it was the good of the org...But but...*sniffs* the reprecussions meant more work for me...and he needs to tell me such things in advance lah..I can't keep getting these heart attacks!

I was so peeved I couldn't work anymore and in fact had to go downstairs with me MP3 player to sort my thoughts..why?...coz sitting in the office led to me thinking about just throwing in the towel...i dunno what i'm going to do ...but i just felt at that point i don't have it in me for all this anymore...

Thankfully that thought didn't last more than a minute...i just snapped myself out of it. Knowing I had to take action fast, i went downstairs and stared out at the pouring rain. Mind you, it wasn't a fantastic scenario...i was surrounded by smokers and i realised i forgot to bring my access pass down. (means i need to call someone to let me back upstairs to the office.)..hahaha

But yes, i flipped back to semi-ok status in those 6 mins. Still felt sick about it...but on recovery. I felt my inner self digging deeper and realigning back to the way it should. I remembered why i am here, the blessings that surround me daily and that that was one heck of a stupid thought to have. I fought back tears actually. Sigh...see lah..more emotional with the stress..hahaha...

But tears came when i knew what i needed to do. I will press on...=) simply coz i am still happy. My misery was temporal, all i had to do was recognise it and scream at it. I still believe in the good things...the wonderful things that are with me and are ahead.

When i feel conflicted this way, I feel like a soldier/ warrior in the middle of a battlefield. Bruised and battered, scared like shit, tired and in the middle of bloody carnage. He cries coz he doesnt' want to be there and just wants to go somewhere safe..just somewhere far away from this terror/ horrible feeling...

Something makes him get up again..still crying but more controlled...unsteady but trying to move ahead...and walk on...that something is God in him...=)

It takes me quite abit to get up again sometimes. Not that God isnt' around...He sure is..but He does it His way with me...but he gets around to it..hahaha...thank god..LOL!

Anyway, it's over and passed....I really didnt feel like going to cg that evening. I just needed to go away...but after i got a bit better ... i decided to to go..just to irritate the hell out of Mr Sa Tan for thinking he got the better of me by ruining my afternoon...hahaha..=P

Ge was sho sweet lah...sent me these really nice smses...to encourage me...=) she stayed behind to hear me wail my heart out even though she had to give her sis a ride home..=P Sorry girl!...but thankies..hee...she's da best lahz...

time to zzz!!!