Feel

Been slightly burdened tonight ...even after so many hours. I got an sms on the way home, then read it in my car before I alighted. I sat in the car for a while longer...it saddened me I felt this way. And it made me wonder what I should do.

I feel bad for feeling the way I do, but I can't imagine feeling otherwise. But it's a sad feeling to have.

I guess I'd never thought it'd have an effect on me.

You always thought you'd play a significant role in a close friend's wedding preps, picking out stuff, planning... stressing together over even the smallest things...and yeah, doing all the things close friends do till the big day comes. Simply coz you're happy and you're supposed to go through all the stupid stuff together as friends right?

But things have changed...and I can't find it in me to be really happy or strong enough anymore, and go stick myself into it. That is, I know i won't be doing coz I want to nor love enough to do so.... And I'm sad for myself that i've reached such a stage. (Not that I'm sour about it...i'm helping out in another wedding and it's a joy. =)

It's hard to describe...maybe it's like..then things you thought you'd be a part of and you no longer are, is a sad reminder that even though things have moved, the change means something is lost.

It's not that I wasn't invited to participate. I was..in the sms...but I couldn't. No....I just couldn't. So I said I had reached home, which was true, and added - enjoy yourselves! Honestly, if it were someone else, I'd drive off again in a heartbeat -- when had reaching home ever stopped me lor...hahaha...

=)

Silly me, I can cry and still write something like that to laugh at myself in a blog entry. =)