To not dwell

This evening I had some talk time with my boss. Rather casual and talked abt the staff etc. I actually had the opportunity to hear from him what he thought of/ considered for me. But coincidentally at that point I chose to make a remark about his previous point on something else...I could've reeled him back and ask him to continue about me (was hoping he would D.I.Y.) haha...but he didn't...and i decided to let it pass. =)

Heading home I kinda thought about it...hahaha...but dunno where it came from -- it was quickly replaced by a 'actually it doesn't matter' lah. Which is true. =) this session was not meant to be a feedback session etc. and really, I possibly would be burdened with more things to think about the more he said!...hahaha

so yeah...it doesn't matter, because it won't change some basics, which is to do well. No one ever said it was going to be easy.

And my boss's character is that he only hopes to give what is best for us and the org, whether we like it or not (and that's his job). And whether he gets it right or not, (which is often)...haha...it's about the substance inside. =)

Judging by the fact one of my staff is still around..haha..its a kind of 'proof'..=)
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Last weekend Pastor Tan preached along the line of how our heavenly father, have and will always, hold back/ do not allow some of the things we ask for because he loves us and only wants to protect us. And being 'children' we'll never understand why it can't be fulfilled now/ ASAP.

He gave the analogy of back when he was in his teens. He asked his dad for a racer bicycle ( you know the type with the super thin tube tyres?) yep, understandable in his day, it reflected that you were a real cyclist enthusiast and of course a good/cool thing to have!

He asked his dad for it, saying that he wanted to go night cycling with his friends. The answer was 'No. You can always go to East Coast and rent a bike and cycle for those few hours.'. Still Pastor, like any persistent teen pestered his dad. Finally his dad told him, that if he could cycle without holding the handlebars, he could have his racer.

So Pastor trained...every other day after school, he'd rent a bike at East Coast and practiced. He returned home with bruises and cuts from his failed attempts. But he wanted the racer. So he kept going. Finally one day, he suceeded! And could do it with confidence and pomp! Wah....

Eagerly, he went to prove it to his dad. But the answer was 'NO.'

Hahahaha...painful....=) and pastor shared that even after all thse years he still remembers it. A mark in his teenage life...LOL...of course lah, happen to me also i'll remember man!

Pastor then rounded up by saying that now, he's grown up with his own kids. And of course, he still remembers his own bike incident. But if his childrens came up to him with the same request, his answer would be -- No.

Hahaha...coz a father wants NO HARM to come to his children. As kids, we don't see what our earthly father sees, what more we don't see what God sees!

So as we grow in God, and slowly mature as christians, we start to see what our heavenly father sees...and understand His ways from there, because we are in tune and walking with him.
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What jumped out for me in service was when He talked about the necessary trials and tribulations in our lives. and he immediately talked about perseverance, building character, and character, hope.

Yep, a familiar verse right, but I never saw the progression/link between character and hope in the way pastor described. Which suddenly made sense of it all...I mean, the perseverance, building character it's a logical understanding....but next is hope? Huh?....why not strength, love or faith??? These link after character building...Why hope???

verse recap - NIV - Romans 5:3-4 "....we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Character leads to hope. Coz our character is built by God...having been tested, we persevere and learn/ hang on, time and again...not knowing why, but hanging on and leaning on to Him. And in time, as we journey with Him, and our character is built so that we are 'like God' and, if I can borrow a term ' same frequency' with Him.

And because we are this journey of being in the 'same frequency', we also know that we have to wait on God for many things. And in this waiting aspect. Therein is Hope...=)

isn't that cool? hee...
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Secondary to Love, Hope is impt to me...especially when things get challenging. Because without it...it's so hard to see the end of the tunnel/ a possibility/ the miracle. =)

Lately, I've been led to think about the hope that I have in areas of my life. And the immense fear that comes to swallow it up.

Hearing this verse, is like God assuring me of -- "See it's all part of the plan girl..."

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It was Fathers' Day.

Every year, on this day, I will hear pastor at the altar call, he calls every one to close their eyes and bow thier heads in prayer. He mentions about 'Fathers that were not there' or 'Those that never knew their father, or had an abusive father, or those that never felt love from/ ill treated by their earthly fathers, etc.'

With my eyes still closed and head bowed, I acknowledge silently to God in my heart, that I'm one of the above. Every year, without fail. I just go -- "That's me."

Because with that acknowledgement, I feel His love for me flood my entirety. To feel so completely empty, yet overwhelmed. To tear, and yet smile.

Hi girl, I found you again. =)