Makes me wonder...

today is the first time this past week that i've been home early. Today reach home at 7.30 so that is a relief. usually i'm working at airshow till 8pm...and getting up super early jsut to start another non stop hectic day.

the rest of this post is going to be confusing coz i'm expressing my thots but hiding what i'm saying...sorry...but blogs still have to be private lah...but i want my blog to express how i feel too...

in the midst of all this...there's confusion coming up in my life now...which makes me wonder why there is never a good time for such things to happen. Then again, maybe God is kind to let these things happen when i'm at my busiest. so that i have the option to be bogged by work than to think so much about things..

Still coz of how i feel...i just talk to him about it...as i think thru and ask god to give me understanding...and help me decide on my actions...

It is a stuggle...btu i have gained some unsight on why..still i'm not convinced that is it.... there's gotta be more...

I can't be putting this off too long, coz it ain't good for me either...sigh...god help me...confused man...i realy jsut want o walk away from it all...but i think...am i being so selfish? and i being so 'unable' to do somthign abt the way i feel or think that i take the 'easy' way out?

Frankly, the 'easy' way is the hardest way for me...but that will ensure that it works out for the best. it is not the ideal situation. there will be losses and hurts...But at least...there is some release. And i can't have influence anymore.

I will likely step aside coz I can't change somone...or wait for them to change..or pin it on them to chg....for years its in the person's nature...even till today. I see the effort made with regard to making up for past mistakes...but...somethings still show otherwise...

i dont' want to blame coz i still love. So how shall i go about it...sigh...

I am firm on the love..and i choose to...hmm...