Waiting to shower...

My sis is showering now...told her to go ahead first, because I'll take longer. Would want to soak my footie into warm water. =) so i though i'll take the opportunity to add an entry.

yesterday i started my first session on this electric theraphy for me foot. Thought to try it out isnce it supposedly cured this guy of his gout in a week. 15 free half hour sessions - having to sit there and put my foot on this machine that heats up the soles of my feet...basically sending bolts through my body....I dont' feel shocks...But just that the heat on the soles can be quite unbearable.

One of the recovery symptoms was that it would hurt more...and yes..it did! i couldn't put my foot down last night. it was as though it got worse! this morning it was very strained and i chose not to go to work. because it would be a struggle with the pain.

Still i went for another session today. How do i feel? not as bad as yesterday but not any better...sigh...

Tomorrow i will try having a go at it for a full hour.=)

There were quite a number of people there. they are nice lah....but one thing i really can't stand is to constantly have to tell people what it is when they ask...=S everyday it's different people!!

then when i'm on crutches and walking the streets, bored people watching will ask me if i fell...even the cab uncle wont' leave me alone..imagine..eveytime i take a cab...they ask me...then after that they will have this 'wisdom' and start sharing stories, and start making assumptions on what i like to eat etc.

So far all these days, the people whom i meet have said some of the following foods -- pig intestine, wine, peanuts, seafood, prawn, shellfish, pork, spinach, cauliflower. liver, broccoli, crab, beef --- these were thier own trigger foods ... none of them apply to me. But what to do?....i simply humour them...and give the same answer...."yes, i know...but it's not my problem. I do not have a trigger food."

It's precisely with these busybodies whom I know just care that irritate the hell out of me!!!!

Worse are those that say i should lose weight...try doing that in my condition --> not helpful.

sigh...

It's hard to stay positive when people bug you and you can't run..hahaha...ah well...today in the session, some of them were talking about having a positive mindset and keep believing you'll recover...

hmm...i try everyday really...I've forgotten how tiring it can be, and slipping into depression is the easiest thing. I believe I'm far from self pity, else I'll be crying every night.

But I'm simply frustrated that it's like a yo-yo and not recovering!! Growl...most nights i talk to my footie...telling it to get well and don't' give trouble...=)

The hardest is when it's late at night, and it hurts so much, you're awake and crying. There's no one to talk to to distract you...and even watching a video can only do so much...it's those times that feel the longest and that you just want it to be over...you come close to bargaining and begging god to take the pain away...and imagine bad things so that you can vent your energy on them to give you reprieve...you grit your teeth and close your eyes...occassionally glancing at the clock...falling in and out of consciousness and waiting for morning to come when your body is just too tired and you'll jsut fall asleep no matter how painful it is...

I lie in bed and think about going to the beach and walking on the sand...about watching any movie and eating hotdog and nachos. I wonder how much city hall and orchard has changed. i wonder how fashion has changed...I think about church and the new songs the congregation is singing...i think about prayer meetings...i think about the cg and how we always can't decide where to go after service and wonder if it is still the same...haha..I think about walking home with my good friend and just talking....I imagine myself in NYDC, Olio Dome, -- anywhere really...having appetising food and equally satisfying desserts...

...And of ocurse I think about where I went wrong to be in this state for so long...i was very careful -- i'm serious...previous times, i knew where i went wrong but still it recovered in a week...now...hmm...

alrite, i have to go...