Pre Zzz talk

I changed my music selection to something even slower...but still my favourites. My office laptop can't seem to log on to the online local radio stations. So i turn to my blog for music. I work best with music. It's been this way all my life...haha..

which reminds me of the time (which i'm sure you all experience) is my mum telling me to turn off the radio or get off my walkman when i'm doing work. She can't understand how the mind can concentrate and study...hahaha...

Obviously she lost the battle. Because right into my final years in uni, this never changed. However, I have to admit to one thing. I can't memorise anything with music on, especially if it's songs i know. hahaha...tendency to drift and think of the lyrics...hee....

But I when it comes to practice, work and tutorials...music is my fuel...=) in fact it keeps me focused instead of considering the option of watching tv or the urge to just lie on the bed for a while. To take a break, i sit on the chair, close my eyes, and give myself 'one song' as the allotted time and i'm back to work! Ironic isn't it? =)

*speaking in hushed tones*

Just to update you, I believe my foot is recovering. Though it's still swollen, the intensity of the pain has gone down abit. Why am I whispering?...i know this sounds crazy...but i believe my foot has a mind of it's own..hahaha...once i start saying it's getting better, it tends to yo-yo and go back to it's former state!!!...hahaha...

I'm still giving my electric therapy a chance. Been going daily as required. If it doesn't work, can't be blamed for not following the rules right? Hee...So i started on monday...today is sunday. 7 days back to back! =) for the sheer fun of it, i call them my electrocution sessions...MUAHAHA...it's great to sound sadistic...=P

Last Thursday night was pretty rough for me. Was in a heaving puddle of snot and tears for about and hour. A form of hell broke loose within me....and every part of me rebelled, fought and wanted to throw in the towel. I constantly toggled between defiance to God and simply surrendering.....the mind recognised but the heart despised. Bowl was on the phone with me...but she could only do so much. though I'm thankful she prayed for me over the phone. =)

The situation with my healing foot had taken it's toll on me and it didn't help that my ineffectiveness at work was causing stress to linger in the backyard of my mind.

I didn't know what to do, how to do...or even do anything at all...how long to wait. Was i missing something out? Was i praying enough? What's he trying to tell me? And even in waiting... to go on positively in my life? --- that is really the biggest challenge and i have learned to admire those that ARE positive and go through an illness...the things that go through your mind can truly hurt you.

I'm not being spoilt..and many a time, i think of those less well off than me, to keep me in place. But there comes a time, such mental battles can only do so much. =)

Angela called it a 'catharsis' --- i had to look that one up...hahaha...new word for the day. But she was right. I really needed that.

I realised something new too....

Natural encouragers are the hardest people to encourage when they are down. =) because they are not usually pessimistic, they know all the "key things/ words that should be said in a XYZ situation"....thus..believe me...they have probably said it to themselves many a time before you even say it...hahaha...because they seldom have the middle depressive state (covered up by all the positivity), you probably encountered them when they hit rock bottom....thus they are the hardest to help 'lift up'....and you have to be patient with them..and work alot alot alot harder!! LOL!...most friends at this point would probably be sick of hearing them repeat and mope time and again...haha...rock-bottom remember?

One thing...never run away when you see them in this state. It will shock you and scare you away, coz it's something you're not used to seeing in them. But who were you to assume that they are all "smiles and sunflowers" daily?...hahaha...

In good timing and love, such people get back on their feet (er..no pun intended)...slightly tougher...but quite quickly, because they are by nature positive ..=)

Ok ok....the above analysis has no Freudian backing or psychological study...hahaha...but this is my blog mah!!!!!!! =P

OMG!!! look at the time! and tomorrow is a work day...*wails*....

god should make weekends have 48hours and weekdays 24hours...hahaha...=)