Strange weekend...

Hi there, it's been a strange weekend. On top of that it's a long weekend. Most would be celebrating. You can say I did about 50% if i did not have to consciously block off worries about my german trip. Sigh...

I've been so tired and unwell this weekend, I guess it was just the past week taking it's toll on me...I went home closer to 1am or after for a few weekdays helping the CG do stuff + work stuff.

Have been resting about 70% of these past 3 days? But it's as though it's not enough. I feel so tired and my head feels heavy...I wake up for 2 hours and i sleep for another 4 to 5 hours...

This afternoon as I slept I found myself talking to my staff about the upcoming 3 nov event. I swear to you I didnt even think about it since friday...and it comes to bug me in my sleep. It left me half awake slightly panicked that I must not forget following up on it tomorrow...

Finally did a bit of planning and research for my paris leg of my trip this weekend. Yet to do any bookings though...I just feel so sick...no no...i'm looking forward to it...but...mmm...it's hard to describe. Not sure if you'll understand..but I guess I can't enjoy it fully until my german trip is completely settled - which with all exhibitions (worse..overseas ones) is very hard...

Not looking forward to work starting tomorrow. The public holiday bought me a day of rest...but it also robbed me of one day to settle work...I hate feeling this way. God you so know I do...

Mmm...just had a thought about my trip...sigh..need to see if my boss is ok with it...judging by how i'm feeling, 1/2 paris before germany is a bad idea...i'd rather do paris (and just maybe london) AFTER germany...

Argh...i hate it that in my first trip to europe and i feel so crap...

Went book sale at expo and got two books...new authors but always worth a try..=) makes me wonder when i'll ever read them..haha

Oh well...i gotta go..it's gg to get late fast. Bedda go pray ...So i should get a fresh start to tomorrow.

Bye...

I was steadily falling asleep in bed when....

....my eyes opened as WIDE as saucers...

and I HAD to come online to confirm...

ARGH!!...I FORGOT Ah Yin's Birthday! =(

I was thinking to myself the past two days,...there's a birthday lah Jean...Really there is...=S

But I just thought i was confusing myself coz of the mini saga was Ge's fren's bday which happens to be on the 17th...so me thot i jsut blurred lor...

Sorlee ah yin...you were so sweet to sms me on my birthday...and i forgot yours...=( but reading your blog, I'm so happee for you that you enjoyed your birthday celebrations and blessed with a multitude of gifts...and of course, with your hubby who just couldn't wait topamper you! Hee...

Have a fantastic and God blessed year Ah Yin! Excel at work and be a great leader to your sheep, respected and loved ...and truly guided by God's hand! To be always strong and remembering all His promises to you in your lifetime. =)

Even though we're in different CGs for so many years and your life has changed so much...You are still fundamentally Ah Yin ...the goodness all still there leh!!..haha...

and that's something I treasure always...hee...

Thank you for always been so willing to love and 'disturb' me. I'm always thankful for you when I see you coz you bring such joy that it squeezes out a genuine smile from me...=P

HAPPPEEEE BEEE-LATED BIRTHDAY!

*One BIG Toadie Hug*

(Now i can go back to sleep..hahaha...power lah you...God obviously woke me to wish you..haha..)

...*YaWN*....It's the best....

Am still in the stage of trying to wake up from my nap...I didn't even know I even fell asleep! And I've been unconscious for about 3 hours? If my phone hadn't rung, I would definitely have been up later.

Last I remember was figeting with my modem and trying to get a connection so that i can go see the F1 result on how Alonso did...hmmm...I don't remember anything beyond waiting for the modem to restart...LOL

Well Fernando Alonso ended 4th, which is good enough really. =) I'm starting to appreciate what a good driver he is, that the internet had been abuzz abt for the past few years. He is also very cute lah...talent and looks --> the usual deadly combo..hahaha...=)

Anyway...primary purpose for me here was to drop a note to say...TODAY's sermon and service is --- dare I say so soon --- the best of the entire 2008 year. =D

OK dinner time! brb!

Harlows...

Today I refused to go for the event...simply coz i need the time to do my other work, and I think with the staff strength now, we should be doing ok one lah! haiz...they have to handle themselves....

Went simei with Angela for lunch and had a nice talk. I found myself finding it the hardest to express my feelings. I need a string of say 5 sentences to get how i feel across. LOL...it's something i realise about me...self contained and knotted to a point where untying is a process...=)

I had to hold myself back from peppering how I felt with the "I'm ok and I'll get through it one." -- Disclaimer Line that i tend to deal in such conversations. Because I just don't want her to be too concerned about me. Ironic ain't it...haiz...

I got a few e-mails out in the afternoon...you could call it decent productivity..but not enuff sia...=(

Then something happened for Angela back home and she had to rush...left me quite concerned but nothing i could do...prayed that all would work out well...stupid Sa- Tan just has too much time on his hands..*growl*

Ended up thinking about the things that I needed to do on my way to cg...initially wanted to work when i got home, because tomorrow is just going to be so burned - gotta be at the event in the morning, pack up at 130pm and a mtg at 2pm. And I have stuff to print that needs me to be in the office....eeeps...sigh...I'm probably one of the few in the world that does not look forward to payday..ahahha...

Anyways...am not here to complain...just here to say goodnight...initially thought of chionging work for tonight. But my eyes are giving up on me...so...PERHAPS..if a miracle allows it...I can wake up early tomorrow to work before going to my event...

God help me...=) Nitez!

Battles...aplenty...

I just read through my last post and realise I seldom rant so hard on work...but that's the reality of it... and I wonder how much more I can take. But these are reactives and they are just that - reactives.

Deep inside, I sense perennial fear and doubt that I beat down every other second with the sole truth that my God is faithful, He will help me and He will bring it to pass. He ONLY has good plans for me.

My cgl asked me about my birthday wish a month ago and it was plainly about my vocation at work. Really, I look at the things on hand and to come...and many times I don't know how to even approach things...everything is so new...and there is really NO precedence, yet every thing has to be professional. With the macro ideas/ instructions moving from my boss to me...the digestion is the hardest and then the mirco-ing it down to the team is lined with time-lines, monitoring, deadlines and expectation management.

I have to at times be cold, firm, to teach and to NOT be nice all the time, else we'd all die. I hate doing that...I so do...but if things aren't moving, it ain't to anyone's benefit!!!!

With things all so new, it has to be digested fast...and if only - instantly! Sigh... the learning curve is steep and crappy. Coz just when I thought I figured it out and pass the task down to the staff... they come back a few minutes later with 5 valid questions/ decisions I need to make and I'm like thinking 'Oh sh**'...and can only say I'll think about it and get back to them. It is frustrating because all tasks can't be delayed.

And in the wider scope of all the moving parts, I know it's moving somewhere...but is it moving fast enough!?! is every component moving well and fast enough such that things will go smoothly??!!....Sigh...

Beyond that, its people management too. I think about how my staff are doing, are they learning, are they OK...are we sending them for the right training...Are they happy, will they leave?...Do i need more welfare and recreation for them? ...how to motivate them?..Are they at their potential? Am I pushing too hard or not hard enough?...I wonder when i give them work or instructions that at times I find myself unsure, are they rolling their eyes internally and think 'What the...man...my manager sucks'. =) It's quite amusing but I'm serious...

Then there's costs..how to reduce it...crap lah, I even think about the paper that we photocopy or print on can!?

*deep breath*

To quote my boss, its the necessary baptism of fire...and i know he's working hard too...and i probably do ALL OF THE ABOVE to him...=( *whacks self*

I guess in some ways its the same for Ge toos...she really needs a significant break soon (a proper one!)...and I pray God constantly fills her with all she needs, to not just get through it, but to emerge out of all this -- stronger, complete and closer to Him.

... and then...

my heart is starting to get heavy on other things too...thinking and wondering..analysing and assuring...checking if regrets have found their way in me...and if i'm heading the right way...keeping tears in check and hope that I haven't lost myself somewhere along the way... (yes, it is tormenting...and God knows...i'm never emotionally kind to myself..hahaha

Hmmm...looks like today I can't end in my battle stance...LOL...just too spent...

The last thing I make myself think before i fall asleep the past few days is the one about " My peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you..." --- something along that line lah...Can't remember the exact verse...

Yep...that's it for now....

OMG...

Ge just msn me and she's in the midst of doing her meeting minutes now...win liaoz...but what can i say..I'm guilty of working mad hours too...hahahaha..

Disclaimer: This is highly unrecommended to all readers, and the blogger bears no responsibility for any influence or effect...

Byes!

It's been a long day...

a really long day...not my worst...not even close to the bad ones...but still long and the events just linger...

It started with a several facts that left me quite manpower-less, and though it would normally be fine, had it not been for the screw ups on the coordinator/organiser front for tomorrow's event that takes place over 3 days. And although the Project Lead had briefed and delegated it to two others...we all know-- there are other @(*#&)@# things that just come along....sigh...

We begin with the fact i have about 10 staff..about there lah...round figure easier...1 is on 1/2 day leave (this one non-consequential)...then...

(1) Two of them are on full day course, which happens to be conducted in our office.
One of the two usually picks the phone calls to the office. She is NOT a receptionist, but was just taught to move fast in this area since last year. So...I had to remind some...to PICK calls a little faster...we have two lines.

The other girl, my intern is one of the 'runners' for the Project Lead. You can of course imagine the problems that arose due to the organiser screw up...and there is NO runner to follow thru quickly...so....sigh...

So sometimes, the phone just keeps going. So...I pick them...and TODAY of all the irritating days...I get the people who are confusing and demanding..it's as though i owe them something, when really all i'm doing is taking a message...and to be dead honest, do i really have to be that patient with them?!

(2) I have two key people serving the nation for two weeks. One is my boss, the other is the Project Lead (who knows the main stuff), whom i shall refer to as PL.

The effect is that because my boss is technically uncontactable to others...he just downloads stuff to his managers... Call this, do that, fwd this...and the nice occassional "How's everything mate?".

The PL will of course be calling back the office too...to give certain instructions that stemmed from the screw ups...and coz the runner is not available, i need to delegate to other staff.

It is of course extremely UNHELPFUL that one of my staff e-mailed my boss with pretty if-fy instructions on the event. Note that my PL and boss occassionally sit side by side when serving the nation...SIGH....SO...i got this panicked phone call from the PL asking what's happening after my boss flashed him the e-mail on his blackberry...

I had to alay his fears that the right message has been passed on...then go ask that staff what in the world was he/she thinking!?! - You send if-fy instructions it will look as though we're not handling it!!!! =S of course the boss WILL be concerned.

(3) i have then on hand two remaining (A & B) that can look into things...and three others (that I leave A& B to 'seek help' from) as these 3 are completely not involved in this event and so would not know the details ...that is fine.

A is the designated 'stand in' for the missing PL. After gathering all the barang together and eveyone else had left the office, THEN she come to me and ask if wanna load the things in my car...sigh...the manpower all gone liao lor...can plan abit next time?...haiz...i decided to do it on my own...so that i wouldn't commit murder in the trips up and down the lift...

Anyway, the organiser screw up was a registration issue and although i know B has tried her best to find the solution, at 430pm, I was baraged with phone calls from concerned Personal Assistants and confused managers who aware of the situation through B but NEED an answer ASAP. - understandable...the event was the next day and we still couldnt' confirm if thier bosses will have issues registering or not...

Basically, they rode on our relationship to bail them out (which i do at times too...)...but this one was just one too many...until B was a little surprised. LOL...

Can you imagine that the above are just SOME highlights...never a dull day in my org i tell u...and i barely touched my ACTUAL work....

But you know what....in the midst of it all, I read a short chapter off a book...and God simply reminded me that He was thinking of me...sigh...

I need grace beyond what i can imagine...and when things seem more and more impossible, my hand trembles as i hold on to His...

I should go...tomorrow's another day...bye...

Boss is away....

if only ...if only...

...we can come out and play...

*snicker*

Also...ALONSO won podium again leh!

In Japan from 5th position!

*happy laughter*

There's something in that shirt manz!

=P

It was all about the Vroom-VRROOOOMMSS!!!!....=)

Hmm...lots have been happening the past 2 weeks...that just seem to pile up and i'm way too lazy to get down to blogging it..haha...

I still owe you pics of my bday pressie the office gave me...my dear 'Pins'...and one of them was on a tree yesterday somemore! And one went MIA this afternoon! I have loads of them in my mobile phone...but i'm just ..*ahem*...i repeat ...too lazy to download them lah...

One of my highlights since my last post was that i got to go see the F1 leh!!! My boss got free tickets for saturday (27th Sept) and gave them to ge and me! Yay! He had gone for the friday one already...hee...nice hor my boss...=) ...msged me on friday night and asked if we wanted the tickets..hee...

Not that I was super gian to go before that..but hey, free tickets lah...just go and experience it all!!

Saturday meant the practice run at 7pm then the Qualifiers at 10pm. God was the coolest and set up the evening for us! To avoid the traffic pains, I parked at ge's place and we took her car and headed to our boss' home to pick up the tickets...then he invited us for dinner lor...he cooked everything leh...I think we had multiple servings of curry chicken! *slurps*

We decided to give the practice run a miss..and took our time...=) Parked at novena square and took the train down...OMG! It was soooo long since I last took the MRT..hehehe...since hmm...July? This was obvious when ge gave me a look when I was thinking out loud if we had to change train to go to city hall station..=P hahaha...*shakes head at self*

And why I said Daddy was with us was coz we stopped for pics, got caught in human jams, looked at stuff and got snacks as we walked to our seats. Without looking at the watch throughout, we sat down like ONE minute before the Qualifiers began! Awesome huh...He's da best tour guide lahz...

It was not as loud as I expected, probably coz we were seated very high up. But no joke if you're any nearer or in the tunnel...better wear the plugs then...hee...

The seats were on the NDP platform and it provided fantastic views of the city skyline and the Singapore Flyer! Honestly, I spent half the time enjoying the view...the other half was spent trying to catch those zooming cars in a photo...hahaha...

We were quite far up, so all the cars looked pretty much the same -- a streak of colour!!! Ah...but the fun was realising that for every 40 photos you took...one would have the car! Doh!...ge wised up and switched to movie mode...*hiak hiak*, but everytime she started to record...there were no cars...no cars....and still no cars....LOL!...arm will ache one neh! =P

The F1 cars will turn in and drive thru below us...and man....the bellowing sound was amazing! Defintely need the plugs if you're in the tunnel..=D They can be as loud as planes but more piercing!

Well, at the end of it all, we waited for the crowds to clear out, which is another ounce of wisdom God placed in us...because I later heard that the movement out was madness...hee...in addition, it meant less jostling with the people at the souvenir shops...

Yesh...i was tempted to get the tees...more like the shirts. Some of them do look cool especially the jackets!...but the price was quite shocking for the ferrari ones...goodness.

ge picked one out lah...she spotted it in a top forgotten corner of the tentage. But I loved the design immediately...I had no idea which F1 team it was...and since I was no major supporter of any, design was my deciding factor. Hee...so I told her, if the back was as cool looking as the front - I'll take it!! =)

Yeah, that's what i told the saleslady too and she looked quite amused when I said "I'll take it!" Must have been one of the easiest sales for her, because others where hem-ing and haw-ing and asking to see several designs...hahaha...

Had fun wearing it to church the next day...though i got lotsa bug-eyed looks from my cg when they heard the price. Hahaha...their first guess was $50 and i said that can get you one and a-half caps...LOL!

Oooo.....then that evening so awesome! I wore my shirt and watched the race from home! From the start i declared- If Alonso wins 1st from 15th position, I'd run down to the track and get him to sign my shirt!!!! .....Yep, I found out my shirt was the Renault Team shirt....OK OK...i was foolish to say that...the probability of it all was...was...*speechless*

Oh well...the rest is history and I still couldn't get past it that i bought the winner's shirt..LOL...neither could ge and she picked it somemore! -- now you know what i mean by God is cool?...hee...

Although one of my cg members..haha...later msn me and said i suay - wear the Renault shirt ou that day and BOTH the ferraris lost...hahahaha...

Ah well....all part of the fun eh...*wide grin*

If you wanna watch the Official Singapore Race video created by the folks at F1 which is very good. Follow this link -

http://www.formula1.com/services/play_video.html

Click 'I accept' and select the 'Singapore' 2008 race....hee... go for the largest file. May take 5mins to load...but its so worth it full screeeennnnn!!!!

For Beanie!

Happpeeee Beeeeeddaaaay!!! Ah Dou! aka Beanie!

Ah Dou, 25th bday liao hor, so fast the years past still remember when you were still in SAJC uniform and i'd go over to visit the bunch of you...and sun-bian went to traumatise all my previous teachers...whahaha...

Will always remember good times in the cg and of course, our crazy msn game times! LOL...when we stopped there was a drought! not many people play neh..hahaha...we played until so late, but they were so addictive...and we tormented ourselves because it was SO STRESSFUL and we're supposed to relax..hahaha..

We played msn Minesweeper until can 'read' real fast then we bullied Ah Yin remember...hahaha..of course we also had Solitaire Showdown...and you'll keep playing till the winning ratios were in your favour! Hoi! =P the most recent is Sudoku Too...God...we torture ourselves playing that game man...haha...i barely blink in the midst of the game!..and no joke lor...2-3am strategising and looking for the numbers...hahaha...i always think God must be thinking his two daughters nothing better to do after a long day of work! hee...

Thanks for being a loving and supportive Beanie all these years! *hugz*...not easy to be in touch with all the movement and changes...but just want you to know, Toadie is always a call/ msn msg away! hee...of course, I'll still charge my standard S$10/consultation (exc. GST)...hahaha...for frens like you I always good one neh...i don't charge GST!..hahaha..=D In addition, after all these years, I never increase price even though got inflation leh! hahaha...see i so good to you!/...=P

LOL, back to serious stuff - I pray for an extremely blessed year ahead with His provision and guidance. New and exciting things are ahead for you! And I pray you'll find happiness and purpose in your new job! Amen!

*huggies*

Croaks...

I've been thinking of blogging this...but was hoping it'd simmer down and I'd soon forget and throw it in God's 'No fishing' lake...however, looks like it may not be the case...haiz...what to do...

There's an ongoing saga between my org and another...though it reared its ugly head a little a few months back, it only really escalated since July, reached a sort of plateau in August...then hit a super peak in end Aug and September ...especially over the past 2 weeks to what my boss hates the most - politicking.

It is sad to know that it has come to certain terms, attitudes and behaviors. I for one believed -- yes...me of little faith believed that it only needed time for some to mature 'abeeeet' more, open their eyes and see things as they are, accept it and move on. But really,...sigh..God...really...it takes all sorts to make the world huh?...haha...

Well, not like saying i knew them super well to have that level of faith in them...but yes, it's me...too willing to give others a shot to change..haiz...i don't regret having given that shot (everything has a risk)...but i just think that they didn't have to make things any harder...

For you readers out there who are clueless, I'm sorry i can't give more. BUT...in a nutshell, it's about taking things personally and not being professional about it - between orgs, and i just gotta rant it here.

To me the frustrating thing is that due to these behaviors, it has affected my colleagues in one way or another, with the devil messing with things and making them shovel a form of blame upon themselves that as much as it makes sense, it must never be justified. And i will standby and believe in that.

It all evolved from sadness to disappointment..we had to stand firm...but for those of you who know me...all my life...if you come and provoke me unreasonably with no justification... I will stand up and confront you. (I will dislike it coz its not in my nature)...but I hate bullies to the core!!! Especially when you bully others in front of me!....*Growl*...Just ask all the bullies that have crossed my path in my lifetime..LOL!

In my over 3 years, i appreciate the relationship my org had with this org and it is true - much came from this relationship and we wouldn't' be where we are today. But yes, here is another thing i detest...people taking something and lording it over others! *rolls eyes*...kids...

Well, things have evolved to a point where damage has been done to the extent where you can't revert to it's original form. Well,..they went to do a crazy thing of shooting themselves in the foot and putting it in black and white!! ...*good grief*....

I never took a 'it's-us-against-them' stance, as i mentioned earlier, i hoped and believed they would move on...but they reached a stage of coming to threaten the things i believe should be defended...i will defend!

They have left my boss and colleagues, confused, tired, frustrated and disappointed, with energies wasted debating and justifying.

Honestly, I could take a step back since really...this doesn't fully involve me...but no I won't.., I'm not being a martyr...but having been here for these years, i appreciate that if we go through crap...we go through it together...you can't duck the crap completely. it will come around one way or another and hit you.

We may being going through our separate craps at times...but at least we're working on it! LOL!

So where was I?...see lah...talk about crap and I get all distracted...hahahaha...=P my boss will use 'shit'..haha..

Ah yes...bullies, lording over, shooting self in the foot and crap...LOL! There's not much more to add but wait and see...but in summary....

Never try to hurt those I love....push me over the edge and you'll see a side of me that I dare not even acknowledge...most times I will choose not to retaliate or fight. But you'll never find them standing alone...or going through it alone...

In fact, you'll just find me meticulously shovelling up the crap you threw, into a nice box and I will personally ensure it gets sent back to you nicely packaged and attached with a note. (Probably with a huge smiley face from yours truly.)... HAH!